EluSiFieD~

2012-03-02T22:27:00.002+08:00

The silence of the night filled my ears. I looked around me and i realised, it was the 4 corners of my room that returned gaze. I looked into the sky and pondered, while we both shared the same moonlight, how are you doing at at your end?

I browsed through my wadsapp contacts, eventually scrolling to you. I was thankful that i can still trace you by seeing that you have been online 5mins ago. I guess I had never been so much out of your life before. Looking at how bad this time was, and how the "place" factor has separated us, I knew that nothing could be done to salvage the situation even if i wanted to. As of now, even if i did fly over for a couple of days, i knew it could do nothing but to preserve how diminishing sense of connection for a while more. Coming to think of this, how much can a few msges do good to us? And how much more can i draw u closer to me? Sending you digital msges that are worth nothing after a swipe of the "delete" button? Our relationship takes more than just that to be patched up. We need time to be together to let things heal. A privilege we can never have for now. With that, i pulled myself back and switched off my phone; killing all intentions to send you something. Hard and painful it is.

Since we cant be together, i guess it's just natural we separate. Until the better days come again. Will they my princess? Im sure you wouldnt dare make decisions as such, bcos "fate" is a strong control factor in your life. Better days will come, but it may not be for the two of us to see through together. How i missed those happy days in Thailand, when I had an opportunity to take care of you while you were sick on bed. The surprise u had during ur 21st birthday. And the nice tom yum we shared in the hotel. Things were always alright when we are together without distractions (tgh etc). But when we aint together, things just go haywire. I guess we just havent got close enuf to give each other enuf trust and support.

If only god can give me another chance.

My days has been fine. Battling the world. Finding ways to better understand my boss. Managed to speak to Song the night before. While i shared my views towards my supervisor, experienced as Song is, he gave me valuable insight from my supervisor's perspective. I admit, Song made alot of sense making me feel like i am guilty of the "fresh graduate syndrome". I am just too new to understand the working society and how it functions. His words were pure enlightenment, and I feel myself growing up really.

I guess people seldom have matching expectations of each other, and things tend to go wrong if we do not make leeway to understand their expectations so as to fulfill it better and adjusting your own about them so you wont feel so disappointed. If they are useless, dont have any for them, if they over expect out of you, perform better. If they expect less of you, out perform. Either way, it's up to how much you wanna prove yourself and how much less you wanna cut your lifespan by making yourself happier with the situation.

As of now, i have seen the flaws of Wilson, and to some point, i am excited to see more of it so that i can always remember the traits of a failed leader. On the other hand, i am equally excited to learn how to deal with his convictions about me and how i look (lol). It aint gonna be easy, but i am eager to embrace the challenge.

Im glad i still have you mr blog. Let's call it a day tonight. Still have to wake up early for project tmr. My trip may jolly well go unhindered. The weather in Taiwan seem to have calmed for good. let's do this and do this well.

2012-03-01T19:13:00.002+08:00

If you do read my blog. I would have hoped that you told me abt it. But i guess u are too busy with your life.

I am highly hypocritical. At this point of time, i just feel like breaking down, running over to you for a hug. A warm hug. But I will never allow to become this weak. No matter how painful things are going, i will just clinch my first, throw all emotions behind, carry on walking forward. And hopefully at the end of the route, i can wash off all memories and start afresh.

At times of this, i cant help but think of those happy memories. How i hope i can have them back now. You know how badly i have advocated on fighting for the future while we leave our past behind. Right now i feel like a total loser hoping to seek out the past for comfort. I have no idea what went wrong, but i can only pray that i was given another chance to try again. Maybe i just dont know when to give up, albeit at times when i look back, there are really seriously differences between the two of us, but i still believed we could have overcome them. But i guess we just had too little time to work on them.

I have no idea wad will happen in this few months. Perhaps u will fall in love again. Perhaps get even closer with tgh whom in my very impression feels like is the best man for you. Frankly speaking, it will hurt alot if u get attached soon, and it sucks even more if it is going to be him. Somehow i am highly pessimistic, and i knew something along the line may happen. Wahaha. You may jolly well become the number one regret that i will never forget.

Can someone help me?

2012-02-27T22:38:00.002+08:00

Had an opportunity to speak to Gary today. This is the first time we actually spoke about our true emotions about work. I was glad that i wasn't the only person to face issues working until our supervisor.

All this while, i have always felt that my supervisor had something against me, and from then on, it was never easy working with him. True enough, Gary confirmed my sentiments. And apparently, I have been judged by my hairstyle and my looks. I didn't look like someone whom my supervisor will like. He judged me so superficially and that made all of our lives difficult. That is the first reason, deep in my heart, i had no respect for him. He allowed superficial values to dictate his judgement over someone. For that i despise him.

From the looks of his career, i cant doubt that he has been working really hardly for more than 10years. With this duration of experience in the same industry, albeit taking on different roles each time he switched jobs, i'm sure he knew what he was doing. However there is always a higher mountain. What is 10years of experience as compared to another with 20years? Under utilizing the expertise he have around him to improve while he stand rigidly of his own ways gave me another reason not to respect him.

To be honest, during this period when he is in Derby undergoing training, Gary and I have learn more than what we had under him. We listened and considered words from our highly experienced trainer from UK. This ang moh has been working in Rolls-Royce for the past 20 years and it is his first company and probably his last as well. This trainer is a remarkable leader, one who see potential in his subordinates and delegates work according to their strengths. Together, the 3 of us ran the entire show with great efficiency and success in the absence of my supervisor. Under his guidance i was really happy as my work was seen useful by the company and it gave me reasons to go even further. This was something i had never felt under my supervisor. Certain people are just not born to be leaders. If you are incapable but still forced into the role, dont mind your weakness, instead embrace it and let those who have strengths help you out, even if they are your subordinates. My supervisor's inadequacies in such aspect gave me a third reason not to respect him.

Come to think about it, he even lied to me, telling me that the ops director was against how i looked and he asked me to consider a haircut. I will rather you to tell me straight in the face your emotions and explained why you felt as such. I may have given you a slight bit of respect for your honesty and efforts to seek understanding.

I was really angry seeing the character he was and I certainly do not think that he is worthy to be my supervisor. To me, i can only see him as someone who has that many years of experience. I was still dumb enough to consider why he is still holding such a position with this amount of work experience. Meritocracy does run in the society. And he definitely deserve his position, or lack of. I take a heath of sigh, not for myself, but for him.

And yes, all such sentiments, i can only keep within myself. Frankly, there was no one that i could speak to about such emotions. I was glad singing and a cup of icy cold Baileys did the job to make me feel better. Infront of him, it is another false front of respect i need to portray. I know exactly what he expects of an intern under him. I will give it to him. He will never know how badly i will want to step on him. But for me, i am working harder every moment to make sure if i do work full time in Rolls-Royce one day, he will be way under me.

2012-02-24T23:35:00.002+08:00

Having walked so much thus far, i asked myself a simple question, am i happy?

Right now everyone's busy with their own lives. Dajie/song, too busy with kd they aint got the time to have dinner with me, not even to listen to what i wanna say. Erjie/Eric, sanjie/louis... way too far. Dad? not even in the picture. Mum isnt really the best person to talk to cos it makes her worried too much.

So home is warm, but still i was forced to close myself in, into my room. All i have is the com, and 4 walls to surround me.

Work has been way excellent. I cant remember which part of my life when i can be praised by so many people for so many times. Truthful or just a figure of speech, i ain't matter. But it felt like my efforts have been seen. Gary and I are really doing a splendid job setting up the whole of manufacturing services in Rolls-Royce. I am glad that, in my supervisor's absence, we can follow our ideas more easily without he and his "expertise" there to stop us. It's a fantastic feeling knowing that everyone is depending on you tho u are just an intern and they are perm staffs. Ego boosts.

But if only i can work for 24/7. I may just feel more fulfilled in life. Looking at the graduates working in Rolls Royce, the move around so frequently, once every 6 months doing different jobs in different countries. Im really jealous of them. How i hope that i can be like tat them right now this moment. I really wish to just disappear from where i am, go to a place where there are no records of myself, just to start everything anew.

I appear strong infront of people. But they can never understand how much i hoped for certain things to happen. How i wished i could hold on tight to the one i love. How much i can spend every minute with her. Be in her life every moment. Unfortunately to mask all that, i have to do exactly the opposite of just tat.

screw it. just tired. nights world

2012-02-16T21:02:00.002+08:00

在这时候听到你的消息，令我感到十分欣慰。能知道你的踪影让我非常高兴。好温暖。

你好像过的很好。没有了我，好像给了你解脱。你也许否认，但这往往是一个可能。你的生活更灿烂，我也为你开心。

我在工作上取得了很好的成绩。不知为何，我不想与你当面说。好像想故意拉远咱们的距离。不说这些。能投到爱才的人，能投到一个会欣赏你优点的人，感觉真好。我看，我的老外大老板是看到了我的好，告诉了我没用的上司。这个废物才开始欣赏我。

当然，我在他面前也虚伪的很。什么都奉承他，让他戴上一顶高帽。他何尝不飞到九霄云外。我好阴险。但要在这社会生存，人能多赖就得多赖，多伪就多伪。世上人，多多看到的，只不过是外表的你，尽是这样，能有多个能提拔你的朋友，胜于多一个在你背上捅上千刀的小人。以赖和伪安天下，阴险一点又如何？

只要在爱的人面前，做回真正的自己，就足够了。公司的人，换了工，便消失其间。

爱得人。又谈到了伤心事。不说了。憋在心里吧。。。知音难得，正爱就更别说了。

名榜又回到了自己靠自己的生活。好漫长。好漫长。

2012-02-15T19:36:00.002+08:00

你好吗？

抬着沉重的脚步，我一步一步的慢走回家。这一天仿佛是这辈子里过的最漫长的一天。在公司里看着手表，每分钟的时间就好像一个小时一样。

我想了好多好多。过去的三年，让我了解了好多自己独自学不到的东西。例如，如何去爱。如何表达爱。这一切都是你教我的。从你身上，我也看清楚了自己的个性，了解了自己需要的是什么。

对你的了解，也算是到了绝顶。公主啊，你教了我如何爱。但为何你却不能以爱保护身旁重要的人呢？我觉得你好像把次序弄反了。爱一个人并非是要他处处了解你，宽容你。爱一个人是你处处了解他，宽容他。让他快乐。而不是你每次和我说的，“你以为你会明白。”

这些年来，我牢牢的死咬着这些词，耐心的对待您，心里说的是，重有一天，我的公主也会这么做。很遗憾的，孤掌难鸣。也许我太过于的宠你，所以到头来，这一切都变成了“应当如此。”

想想吧公主。

也许我更本就不适合你。我要得到的，让你觉得我在约束你的自由。你不能做自己。我也接受了你的这个看法。但我只想说，我应为爱你，已经不是以前的自己。我放弃了一前的自己，为了爱你。但这个变化让我更加的快乐。这些变化也让你好受了很多很多。我能以爱情化为让自己进步的踏脚石。为何你却依依墨守成规，原封不动呢？

爱情就好像是运动里的双打。只要队员合作，打出来的球，一定精彩。可惜，我们志不合，道不同，不相为某。只好到了你走你的，我走我的时候。。我心如刀割。心疼欲裂。我也只能在梦里当你的夫君。。。。

好好的活下去我的公主。你永远是我的公主，我依然的那么爱你。

2011-09-16T23:38:00.002+08:00

Found a reason for your existence again.

It was great knowing that the event that you have planned single handed-ly become a success. Seeing how happy everyone was during the flying session earlier made me feel so accomplished.
Everyone thanked me for putting it altogether and they want to be back next Friday. Kudos to myself. Im thankful, im proud of how things have gone.

However as i walked down the same path back home, the serenity reminded me of how short lived that happiness was. Even if u had conquered the world, but as u take a time off that pride and glory.. you realize there is no one home to smile at ur accomplishments, neither are there people to feel proud of you. It was so cold and empty. Like having the entire world shut-off to myself. Yea.. the family was there to smile.. but u hoped that u have someone else there.

Nothing seem to matter more. No feelings of joy, only numbness i find. Frenships fill up voids in the heart, but only for a moment. Love covers it up entirely.

2011-05-29T23:09:00.002+08:00

Dear Sir,

Please try to put urself in my shoes and consider how I will feel if you were me. Imagine u have a girlfriend that fancies having tonnes of friends in her life. Being all bubbly and friendly, she got to know another guy who clicks very much with her. This guy than falls in love with your gf. Well nothing wrong with that i feel. So long as the girl doesn't cheat on you, i feel it's fine. As the saying goes, u can stop yourself from loving someone, but u cant stop another from loving you. Perfectly fine with that.

But this guy, knowing that ur girl is attached, and has treats u solely as a good buddy; one that she cannot afford to lose, starts to stick too closely to her. Even to a point he starts to spend every single minute of his life with her. Your girlfriend, being the bubbly and friendly buddy reciprocates. Unfortunately, you the boyfriend simply stays too far literally to spend this amount of time with her.

How will you feel?

It's weird that this guy, simply indulges himself in his passionate love and fails to spare a thot for you. Am i right? If you too slow to understand, let me tell u, I'M GOD DAMN REFERRING TO YOU. How will i feel when u are treating my GIRL THIS WAY?

Tell me how am i suppose to feel. What am I suppose to understand to make myself feel better? Someone tell me I am damn wrong to be feeling like smacking u right in the face. Arghh !@#!%!@#!@...

2011-05-21T11:25:00.002+08:00

At some points of time, patience just ran low. And i realize, there is none for me anymore.

I'm just too logical. When things like this happen, i go searching for the reason why it did. It is so true that a relationship depends neither on words nor flowers. Relationships are forged on experiences and time spent together. If u are having so little time to commit, relatively to somebody else, it is a call that nothing good is ever gonna turn out.

And i was proven right.

But why are certain mindsets and perspectives locked in so soon. Have u really waited for me for so long, and got so impatient? It's a dumb way to ends things. It did not end when i haven't paid enuf attention, it ended when i just wanted to pay attention. Must things really happen this way? Why didn't the two of us stay calm, and wind things back to the way it was back den? Why is ur heart so easily shaken by external factors? Why did ur heart change?? I cannot find anymore reasons than to say, u no longer love me.

I hope I can be proven wrong. As of now, I am still living in my dreams. Dreaming that i will see u later today. Have a movie, dinner tgt and finally meet my frens. Go on dates during this long awaited holiday. More movies. Jap food. Sentosa. East Coast. The beach. Do all sorts of interesting things I've always planned of doing. But now, as i drag myself out of the bed, i realize, my phone no longer rings. There is no one, no one, to enjoy the time now with me. I've placed all my eggs in one basket, and I've lost all of them.

Please let the sleeping continue. So i can live off in my dreams.

2011-04-05T14:38:00.002+08:00

I seem to have so many things to tell u. At the same time im lost for words when i asked myself what should i say when i see you. What is happening?

I cant wait for the exams to be done. Im getting utterly exhausted. I need a break from all this shit. I need to find myself a corner. To be alone.

Minor quiz in a while later. I better do well for all these efforts.

Im getting stronger. Im telling myself this, even if it means lying to myself.

2011-04-01T00:00:00.002+08:00

Ppl get happy. Ppl get sad. When can we eva get out of this cycle and just be happy?

Caught a short clip just yesterday off a FB post by a fren. It was about this man who did an ironman Triathlon . An Ironman Triathlon is one where by one will have to swim 4km, cycle 180km and run 42km.

Some of you guys will say that this race is simply inhuman. It really takes "Tony" Stark(Iron Man) himself to complete the race. Well guys, that's not the end. This fella completed the race with his father. Well his father was with him, but he wasnt running. His father, i guess bedridden from some sort of paralysis, was there so he could push him as he ran, carry him on his bike as he cycled, pull him on a buoyant as he swam. For the entire journey of the race. 4km on the rough sea, 180m on the bike and the remaining 42km on feet.

Some of us may already find an individual segment of the race impossible. But this man did everything, while carrying his father along. Strong mind and physique some will say.

Well i guess most of those who have watched this clip found the man incredibly incredible. Strong in the mind etc. But i see more. I see his life, his father's life. Can anyone of us even imagine what is it like to live his life, their life? A man, probably a family breadwinner, to support a family, plus a bedridden father. What kind of commitment does it take? The father, bedridden, unable to talk, chose to life strong for his son, sees his son go thru the pain to finish the race with him. and probably every time when he trained. Truly remarkable.

It is sad most of us only see what comes in face value, but we paid so little attention to the efforts spend trying to display that 1sec worth of feat. But anyway that isnt the main food for thought here. Just after my run today, i thot abt myself in their shoes. And i asked myself, if i have the courage to continue living if i were the father, not to mention still complete great things like that. How i'll face reality, if my wife got paralyzed(but of cos touch wood). It got me pretty sad thinking abt it. I wouldnt know. I may have talked big if i said that i will pass it all easily like a flick of a finger. I dunno.

This man is blessed i feel. Very blessed. Blessed with such courage, patience, and will power. U may think that im crazy. U may feel that he is the most pitiful guy in the world, but i chose not to see it that way. He had to make a choice; to be pitiful, or be strong. He became strong, and he achieved great things, he gave life to everyone who wanted to give up. He gave life to his father. Im touched. It make the problems and stress i have now, seem like as small as a speck of dust as to the size of the universe. I ought to be really happy with where i am now.

So i chose to continue smiling. I know there is this person who is ready to kick some butt in me. And i have yet to show. Im worthy. I know im worthy. U are worthy. too unless you choose not to. Open the windows, see things from another pt of view, we are all born with great strengths, only waiting for you to unlock. Just be confident in urself ::)

Jiayou ::)

2011-03-30T20:16:00.002+08:00

When one starts to remind himself constantly that he have enough reasons to be happy, i guess he isnt.

So many things left unsettled. And my life seem to stay in a stand still. Everything being so out of place and in a mess. I have never felt so disorientated in my life b4. Why am i fighting so hard? Im afraid that i may have lost sight of my reason to.

So what should i do. At this point of time im so tired, not just the body that went through sets and sets of exercise awhile ago, but the mind as well. Just feel like locking myself up in a small corner. Leave me alone everyone please. Just need a break from everything.

Test on friday.
Test on tuesday
Test next next wednesday
Project due friday
Project due 1mths time
Report due in 2 weekstime
Design and Fabrication of model
Register for Special Sem 1

Shut up mingbang. Stop thinking. Stop whining. Just keep running. Forget about the pain. Forget about yourself. Just keep going forward.

2011-03-23T19:39:00.003+08:00

Everyone have been feeling jaded and Siens lately. I can see that most of us seem to have lost sight on the goals set long b4 everything begun. Myself, for one, try my best not to be caught in the trend. Although i try desperately, the forces of darkness seem to make my efforts seem so futile.

Met out a friend yesterday for dinner. It was Jenrine. I havent seen her or heard from her for almost two years. Somehow when i went online on msn a few days back, she miraculously talked to me and asked me out for dinner. My honest opinion, she is one of the few to have ever done so in a long time. We ate, talked and shared. Sometimes i wonder if we are even close enough to be called better frens. But still it was warm to have met someone from my past. I felt like i was 17 again. Thank you Jen. Im happy that you looked great and things are going so so splendid for you. With all ur plans for ur future. Somehow we have all grown out of that small little shell of ours and here we are, ready to see the world. Can u believe? 6 long years have passed since we met. And we're not as young as we think anymore.

Things are going better for myself too. I guess I've pretty much recovered. Not thinking so much about certain things. However, Im not too sure if I'll be able to leave certain things behind completely. At least for now. Im not asking for more. Every smile, every sight, every touch of you makes me happy. I'll just live for the moment. I guess Love is like that. No plans (for now). Wanting to love is like being a daredevil sometimes. Though things are still left dangling at where it is, like a piece of lose meat sliced off a live cattle; still intact with it's body as it runs in pain. However it doesn't seem hurt so much if you focus your mind on other stuffs. I on one end, have no idea where this will lead to. Will time heal the wound? Or will time make the cut complete? I guess i'll just carry on forward. One day i will know.

It's still better to smile. I look much better in one too :: D

2011-03-20T12:59:00.003+08:00

When u are sad. Force urself to smile!! ::D It works!! It's all in the MIND!!!

2011-03-20T11:52:00.002+08:00

I wonder how often am i going to have my chances to speak to you, or even see you now. So before the mood to talk to you dilutes, here it goes.

Woke up pretty early today for Qing Ming. You know, the yearly event u gather and meet up with all your relatives so you can pay respects to ur forefathers.. mothers.. ur ancestors.

I wonder if i had been mixing around with your family too often in the past. It is just so different compared to mine. Ur relatives are all cool and fun.. able to talk to. I never had a dull moment being if them. Somehow the thot of meeting my relatives this morning turned me off quite abit. My uncles were stubborn and my parents never seem to have nice things to say abt them when we leave their sight. My cousins? all decades over me, with their children my age. We never had anything in common.

Being at the Qing Ming site seems to have lost it's significance. Other than paying respects and homage to our great ancestors, this event is a day when everyone puts aside their busy schedule, so we can have an excuse to see everyone that we missed so much. To enjoy. To catch up. However, meeting up for my end seems to be a chance for relatives to talk abt past issues unsolved, abt how much debt who owed who.. or who should have done what in the past blahblah.. all that crap. I dun even feel belonged to this family line sometimes. In fact i feel very much indifferent of who my relatives are. It felt like my family line started from my parents. So i was standing in a corner, feeling sick still(literally with my cough and flu), but i tried to be useful when anyone required help.

Nevertheless, i was happy to have seen HewTing. Spoke to her a little bit, i wonder where she is, but i did an update of where i am. It's sad i never shared things like tat to her when she was around. And i only do it when she has passed. Humanbeings never seem to cherish what they have all the time. All the big talk, for teachers who bring this pt to their students, they themselves never really placed their preach into practice. Only to weep in regret when the hard truth lands on them in the face. It is than they realize for themselves, the significance of their own teaching.

Why didnt we hold each other tighter when we were together? Why must we wait till this moment than we start to love, to miss and to think of ways to salvage the situation?? I hope it's not too late.

2011-03-19T07:46:00.002+08:00

And what i said was true. I woke up really happy. Tho with 2 sore eyes but it felt like nothing happened. Still living in my fairy tale. One i didnt want to wake up from. So i continued dreaming abt it.

And continue dreaming i will. Gullible or what, it didnt matter. At least the dream was sweet.

Time to end all this poetry. I've got things to finish. IM SOOOO BUSYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

2011-03-18T20:13:00.002+08:00

It feels like a terribly long day that doesnt seem to end.

What kind of feeling is this. I dunno. self pity? Disappointment? Or Anger.

In life people make choices. And things in the virtual world.. such as games replicate life. However, virtual reality is so much different as compared to real life. The main difference is simply the undo button. For games, you can always save your progress, reload to the same point where u last saved, if the progression didnt happen to fall into what you wanted.

Life? The only thing u can do, when facing an adverse progression; stick ur thumb into your mouth and suck it hard. It's so sad things in life often happen in such a harsh manner. U can try so hard to make something work for you. Try as you can, but the passage of time at times seems to turn on you and screw ur ass up. Just like how The Rock would have put it.. Life has successfully shine my afford real nice, turn it sideways and stick it back right up my candy ass.

I really hated this scenario. And it really pains me so much. But there's nothing i can do to turn back time. I can only proceed onto the future with my thumb stuck straight in my mouth.

I guess i really needed my phone to ring, with someone there to say some nice warm words, offer a comfy shoulder where i can lie on. But well, where am I now? Alone at home. It's so quiet i can hear my fan turn. Didnt even have the usual laughter during dinner. All i had is this blog, my aeromaterials project, and an additional tutorial i must complete in prep of my Monday quiz.

It's hard not to turn crazy. I just hope this day ends quick.

2011-03-18T15:26:00.000+08:00

放开了你。。却还又突然好想你。。

五月天 - 突然好想你

最怕空气突然安静
最怕朋友突然的关心
最怕回忆突然翻滚
绞痛着不平息
最怕突然听到你的消息

想念如果会有声音
不愿那是悲伤的哭泣
事到如今
终於让自已属於我自已
只剩眼泪还骗不过自己

突然好想你
你会在哪里
过的快乐或委屈
突然好想你
突然锋利的回忆
突然模糊的眼睛

我们像一首最美丽的歌曲
变成两部悲伤的电影
为什麽你
带我走过最难忘的旅行
然後留下最痛的纪念品

我们那麽甜那麽美
那麽相信
那麽疯那麽热烈的曾经
为何我们
还是要奔向各自的幸福
和遗憾中老去

突然好想你
你会在哪里
过的快乐或委屈
突然好想你
突然锋利的回忆
突然模糊的眼睛

最怕空气突然安静
最怕朋友突然的关心
最怕回忆突然翻滚
绞痛着不平息
最怕突然听到你的消息
最怕此生已经决定自己过
没有你却又突然
听到你的消息

我没想到，自己会因为一首歌而落泪。。。

2011-03-18T14:17:00.000+08:00

Being elusive all over again.

I wonder if u still read this blog. Or u may already forgotten abt it.

Remember how i once told you that there is no need for me to blog anymore? The reason was you. But i guess for now. This blog has it's significance once again.

It is a tough situation for you i understand. To be all that confused. So i guess being the way we are now, is the best solution. I wan you to grow independent of yourself. To be able to make strong decisions and not avoid the problems. Run away from them and hopefully one day they will be solved somehow. Or even buried beneath the passage of time so no one will remember about it anymore.

If you cant be like that, even if you choose me, things like that will just happen once again. To me, to GH, to anyone else.

Live Strong alone.

Happiness is derived from its search. Find me if you can.

2011-02-25T02:26:00.000+08:00

When a relationship reaches a point where it doesnt not value add. It's time to let things go.

Things havent been going right. For some, may say it is a challenge. Overcome it. It makes us stronger. Going through this challenge will need many sacrifices. And i guess it isnt the time to make these sacrifices.

It's hurts painfully as i await to pass the difficult decision. But it really seems like it is time for us to accomplish our dreams.

May we meet again in the future. And when tat happens, i hope i can see u as my partner for life.

2011-01-04T00:58:00.000+08:00

A father with his principles. A young couple with their problems. A young family that is growing up. Anymore and it will sound like a korean drama...

Sometimes in life. U look back and u ask yourself. Have things really became better? It's a combination of mixed feelings. One U are unable to give urself a succinct answer. I suppose it's both better and worse.

Are things really overheating as you said? Or is it just that u cant fully comprehend the issue that is at hand. I cant tell. If i were to think deep into it, i just seems to be a terrible terrible time to pass. School in 3weeks.. Lesser time for you(not the same you as above)... Principles to comply... and other possible problems that will arise.

But why worry about life when it has yet to happen? What im sure, is that, i suppose it is really time to bring this relationship one level up. New challenges, new struggles, and a whole new storyline. Just like an expansion to world of warcraft. It sucks.. but it seems it is a real fact that u cant run away from fate. What belongs to you, will belong to you. No matter which way you take, the end will still be the same. So i shouldnt... No.. We shouldnt worry so much about certain things. For all that we are doing, someone up there has already decided on our future.

Im willing to learn. And that is the best thing about me. It saddens me all the time not to be just the way to make things work, but i'll do my best. I dont believe in the dream guy/girl and all that crap. Things have to be roughened out in order to get it to work. Dream guy/girl? Believers can continue dreaming. It can be another guy/girl. But u will have ur share of roughening out to do nevertheless. Gambatte ne.

Let's just do all that we can. So long as no one (not just the two of us) gets hurt along the way.. and all of us are happy ::) Even if the end isnt about the two of us. Im sure. We will still love each other in different ways. And it's still a happy ending.

2010-12-14T23:04:00.001+08:00

It sucks knowing that a fire has broken out and u cant do anithing to stop it from spreading until a u are done with ur work here.

But.. the saying goes 野火烧不尽,春风吹又生。

Let's pray that the fire doesn't grow that huge

2010-12-07T22:40:00.001+08:00

Will you, _________________ take this man/lady _________________ to be your wedded husband/wife, to live together in the legal estate of matrimony? Will you love him/her, comfort him/her, honour and keep him/her in sickness and in health and forsaking all others, be faithful to him/her, so long as you both shall live?

That's the marriage vow i heard not long ago.

If you take note of the phrasing used. Each and every single word has it's significance. A significance of unchanging and faithful love, and respect in every manner. But it is rather saddening to note the, being human the way we are, we are often caught up with the event itself when the couples take the vow. How they or we in time to come, will so carelessly allow words of such importance slip through our lips... Just to get things done.

Well I've not made such a vow yet. But such values can be practiced nevertheless. To me, there is no reason for one to practicing these values only after marriage. I'll try to put in the effort. But i guess not many others do so.

I have hoped tat times like this could have came... during a time when i have lesser things to brood about in mind. But 3 days just before my first paper, during a sem i know i cant miss to do well. Things are really starting to go my way.

As i look through the phone book for someone to seek refuge in, there was no one. 1step forward... 10 steps behind. All the effort put in. And im back to where i was.

2010-10-31T01:52:00.000+08:00

Sometimes i look back at the failures i had, then i looked at myself at this moment. Have i became stronger? Have i taught myself well the ways not to repeat those mistakes? Or am i still the same.

Sometimes i feel that im really putting in my best, but results dont happen. Why is it so? Is it becos of the way i do it? or am i tat incapable. I've seen things work for others, well if they can, so can i isnt it?

Just some food for thought.

People make the wrong choices. Well i make wrong choices too.. most of the time sad to say. So what should we do when things go wrong? Blame the sky for not shining the sun at you? Or curse it cos u just happen to land on the wrong side of the bed? Well im not saying it's wrong to whine. It does comfort u alil. But *kakongs on the head. After whining what happens? If we seek refuge in the whines we make all the time, tho it sad, but the truth is.. the problem is probably gonna resurface and give u a hard slap in the cheek.. and guess wad.. for the second time and the third and more. What is that inner demon in u that creates all this issues for you? Isnt life hard enuf for all the things that happens just like that without any control? The things in life that will screw you upside down even without u knowing tat it is coming. Well i see a tough life just by getting screwed up live itself.. SO WHY ADD ON TO YOUR SUFFERINGS?

If there's a way to make urself feel better.. take that route. And tat probably means... find ur mistakes. face it like a man. A human. Than change yourself; for yourself or the people that loves you. When u start falling and falling and falling over and over again.. and over time failing has gotten into you and you no longer feel good at all.. u have to convince yourself that its becos of those little demons in ur closet tat are hiding without ur knowledge.. and these are the pesky little pests that will screw all ur big ambitions when you are just this close to achieving. Its not the sky.. not the rain.. not the bus that you miss.. or just everything that u can whine and push the blame to. You are the blame.

Time to open up my closet. and i really have to. I really have to. I hope you can open urs too.

A person who succeeds did not conquer the world. A person who succeeds conquers himself.

2010-10-01T02:04:00.001+08:00

Sometimes i really wonder if life will turn out the way u plan it to be.

Ha.. heavy heart. I dont even know where to begin. As you try to perfect each and every detail around you, I really start to ponder if all these efforts are really producing the correct form of results. Well u never know, the more you love someone, u may be hurting her as much on the contrary.

Oh god im lost. I thot im having a fulfilling life, by joining all sorts of things, to have all sorts of entertainment amidst all the studying. Is that really the way to do things? I'm getting really confused over everything at this point of time.

So what exactly am i doing right or am i doing wrong? Can someone please advise?

Well i guess i have to sleep anyhow. Lab presentation tmr. Well i guess i cant do anithing better than talking. Or perhaps i'll just talk for the presentation and that's all. For the rest of the time i should just kip my mouth shut...

im out. Good night and i need a break

2010-07-20T22:51:00.000+08:00

Someone who is the perfect guy/girl for you.

So who is this someone really? Alot of us will say that it will be the person who walks a blissful path with you when together; a person who is really similar and there is no real need to tolerate or compromise with. The others, argue that it is the person who walks a turbulent path with you; a person who reaches the end with you. Well if you pick the latter, wouldn't you have a life full of suffering than, if you do have the need to tolerate and compromise till the end?

The Buddha said,"There are only two mistakes one can make along the road to truth; not going all the way, and not starting." Just to alter his quotation a little, I feel that there are only two mistakes one can make along the road of love; not going all the way, and not starting.

Love can be distinguished between conditional love, and unconditional love. I bet you have some clues in mind what they seem to mean. Oh really? Love by true definition, is to bring happiness. While conditional love will mean clearly a fictitious form of love that seeks personal gains, unconditional love is one that requires a huge load of courage and acceptance (or more of self-acceptance).

Now, when you say I love you, What do you really mean? Do you seek emotional comfort cos there will be someone to hug you? Or do you seek eternal happiness for him/her no matter how she is like?

My dear, I love you.

Wanting to love unconditionally is difficult, it takes courage really. To finally identify and continue to love (unconditionally) this person takes effort. Effort of self-reflection. It is through acceptance and appreciation. Not true tolerance and compromise. If walking the turbulent path till the end is a suffering to you, your love is conditional.

Love unconditionally. That is what I'm still trying to. It is never easy. I really hope for your happiness, however my words and actions harm you sometimes. You are not that different really. Shall we self-reflect a little sometimes? Although the answers may not come that directly and it is more than what we can explain, but walk this path with me will you? Till the end.

2010-07-16T11:12:00.000+08:00

Was doing some soul searching and i recalled a particular segment of my life when i may have felt the same as you.

Back than in the army, there was a PTI(physical training instructor), a regular, a well weathered one. He's old, however he was never incomparable to all the other youngsters in my camp. He is a great instructor who expects his trainees to be able to do all sort of things that he can. Cos to him, what he can, you can do.

He's experiences in the physical side of life is packed with tonnes of different activities. He ran , swam, cycled, climbed, jumped.... you name it, he'd probably done it before. I remember going for his trainings, feeling pressured all the time. He is just that kind of person who will go, "What? you cant complete such a simple feat?" Even the other regulars from my camp felt that he lacks the mechanism to empathize his subordinates and trainees. "It is really important that you put yourself in their shoes and think of things from their prospective." said my 2ic. "You have been doing something things like that for such a long time, how can you expect others to be like you in an instant?"

As an instructor myself back than, I used to tell my trainees that what i can, you can to. Did i bring out that attitude out as well? Have i unknowingly became someone like the old instructor I've mentioned?

The thing is, I'm not an instructor anymore, I don't want to became someone like an ex-army officer, who still bears the "i'm still an officer" kind of attitude and goes treats everyone the same way he has done in his army days. I must stop all this. Before all's too late. There are things which i cannot lose. They are just too important.

2010-07-15T23:24:00.000+08:00

While some don't show them all, there are also some who does it the wrong way.

Forgive me.

Although i try hard to give you all that is best, i realize at times, there are instances where what i deem best for you ain't really that good in reality. Even worse, they hurt you right to your core. Things that have been done to hope for that little smile off your face, became the cause to the last thing i want to see, your tears.

To love is a tough subject to master. Learning how to show this love is another lesson all together. Please give me some time to read these subjects meticulously. Cos i wan to possess and give you one that last the lifetime, and many more to come.

2010-06-15T11:22:00.000+08:00

Accept and Appreciate

In the kind of situation when u know nothing you do will help. All you can do is to sit by a corner, laugh like an idiot.

Most of us have lived through a quarter of our lifetime and our characters and personality should have at least solidify. It's just like a piece of crude metal, heated up till it melts, so that it can be molded into all sorts of shapes and sizes. Unfortunately, at this age, the metal rod that so represents each of us have already cooled off. Unless something hard hits you with great impact so as you distort the shape you have so comfortable been molded into,
You are already who u are.

Many people come together in due time, with different shapes and sizes. They fall apart if ones shape does not fall into place into the void in the others heart. Those who eventually do, were the greater ones. These people, are the ones who decides to compromise and thus accept the nature of who their partner are. Or otherwise, the are the ones who have a larger void; one big enough to hold anything.

What about me?

It is difficult to find someone who fills that void completely. Of all that can fit, there will be one or two edges of this shape that simply will not match. It guess its really up to all of us, to accept who he/she is, if you really want to be with him/her.

Accept and Appreciate. Compromise and Respect.

2010-05-26T00:57:00.000+08:00

It is funny how this world can be. There are people around us whom we will never contact until we know that they are dead.

Qian Xiang was never really in my life. except for the days in secondary school, when we had tonnes of fun making jokes out of each other, with our lame wrestling moves and many more. I met him again in the army. Became his instructor, had wonderful memories again although the time together was short. We managed to got together again, by fate or wadsoeva, in the same camp. And we again had several flashes of recollections together once again.

It is strange. He was never my best friend. I didnt know the girl he liked, i never knew if he had any siblings, however these memories were lasting enough till this day. Now tat he is gone, a familiar feeling hit me hard right in the face. Feels like i've lost a flesh or two again.

Life and death. If only death can be a subject that could be studied per se, just like physics and mathematics, to be alive after it to tell all others.

I've said this a million times. dont just see other's flaws all the time. Consider if u too were in anyway similar, to hold in possession the ugliness you saw in others. Enjoy the company. cherish the laughters. Hug close to you, those you deem dear. Living may be forgiving, but life will not as so.

To my familys and shiyu. I love you.

2010-05-22T12:32:00.001+08:00

It's a sin for woman to cry. Cos it makes the man beside you feel obliged to cheer you up.

What will you do when you see someone in need? will you give her a hand? or will you let her die. So what if u wished to help, and the help was unaccepted?? If it's bad enough for those who are in the predicament, i think it is equally as bad for those who wishes to help but their help are disregarded.

I awfully need to look for a job. no. A job awfully has to find me. After a week of searching, there are no signs of potential employments from any company. Or maybe i'm not putting enough effort.

Breathes in deep. Breathes out deep. I wonder how the other boys are doing.

2010-05-11T00:40:00.000+08:00

It has been a long time bloggie.

Sem 2 is done and i aint a freshie anymore. It's funny how tings pass by so quickly just in an instance. It's hard to believe there will be a new batch of aerospace students coming in next semester and i'll be ther senior already.

So how have life been? New additions, and no losses i'd say. As i walked down the same path i took most of the time from the station back to my house, with both the usual sheep and gs, a sudden flash back appeared right in my mind; how we used to walk down the same path in our green shorts during our sec school days, to the days when we wore the same long pants in JC and now finally together as wadever we are now(in our berms and slippers). Things have never really changed, we merely become more of who we already are. And so this is what they truly meant, that a leopard never change its spots.

And perhaps this sentence do extend to everyone in this world. I seem to have heard this fromsomewhere; "when a person have lived through adolescence, what's left in him is a leopard, who never changes its spots." Okay i made that up. Hahaha. U can try, but for all you can, is to fabricate a picture of the leopard with the spots you wish to have.

Mingbang is a person not many will understand. He is a person who is always thinking. If he ever succeed, that will be the strength that brought him thus far. However a strength that aid in the same way it stings; a doubled edge sword. If he ever messes himself up, it'll be the thinking too. Successes, are hard to come by unfortunately, so my interpretation, Mingbang is a pretty messy guy inside too sometimes.

He's thoughts are so viscous, sometimes it clouds him of what he already understands, and now things just look extremely confusing. Left or Right. What are you? He has no idea how to react anymore sometimes. Oh maybe he is really petty. For all the things he sees or hear, perhaps it's just good to turn a blind eye, ignore everything.

2010-04-02T21:56:00.000+08:00

love is so bittersweet. No wonder they say love is like poison, once u step in, you find urself so utterly cursed with it.

But a curse i'd want to live with.

2010-03-21T21:49:00.000+08:00

Hi there blog. It has been sometime. Plentiful of things to talk abt lately. But i guess i'll just be less emotional and talk abt more serious stuff today.

Im pretty sure everyone in Singapore are very well informed of the mandatory death penalty towards drug traffickers. Lately, i chanced upon an article who gave a recount of a particular young man who was sentenced to death when he was caught with quite an amount of heroine. He was 18yrs and 6months than. So there came uproars of objection from the public. The government should revisit this outdated law and we simply cannot hang teenagers like that.

So how just is this justification exactly?

If you guys have been catching up on the manga, Full Metal Alchemist, the protagonists usually go like, "Humankind cannot gain anything without first giving something in return. To obtain,
something of equal value must be lost." If you dare to do commit a crime, you should be prepared to face the kammaric results of your actions. Very true indeed. However are you sure death is a price to pay for drug trafficking? It doesn't seem to be an equivalent exchange at all.

Just to quote some statistics. In Singapore, the number of drug offenders are quoted to be 46.8 per 100,000 people. Compared to Germany, that does not enforce capital punishment towards drug trafficking, the stats are quoted to be 250,969 per 100,000 people! That's a great disparity indeed. Well the extreme ends of the stats have been deliberately chosen, but the general trend is that countries without such enforcement are seen to have a greater number of drug offenders. You guys can see how effective capital punishment can be as a deterrence to this offence.

Drug trafficking is closely related to drug abuse and both of which deals a significant amount of social impact in a society. The presence of illegal drug dealing and usage can lead to family problems, health problems, employment problems, a larger crime rate etc.. the list just goes on and on.

In my opinion, the government has never wanted to this young man to atone for his actions with such a punishment. He doesn't deserve to die, the government whispers as they sent the young man to his death. But his death, together with those of the other offenders, is the price the country is willing to pay, to gain it's equivilant exchange; low crime rates, deterence to crime and all the other problems that came with it. The public should understand the country's stand eva since it's founding. It is our security and leads to our growth, and we simply cannot compromise on this at all in every aspect. The young man will be put to death; but a good death. A death tat serves as a warning about the country's determination to preserve its prosperity and stability.

2010-02-20T20:34:00.000+08:00

If u wan someone to really love you. U must first know how to love yourself.

Do u know why diamonds are so expensive?

Diamonds are expensive because they are dug out from the depths of the earth. The story doesn't end here. Unrefined diamonds are nothing but a piece of rock. It takes again plentiful of effort, to find the correct diamond carver to make research and than painstakingly carve out his masterpiece.

The diamond, will never be as precious, if never did it go through such a meticulous journey.

Im not asking you to play hard to catch when finding your love. But if u give urself away too easily, the diamond in you will never be as refined. No one will treat you as their precious.

Happy 1 year anniversary. Time flies, it really did. We havent been together for so long, yes im sure. However i never knew when we begun. All i can say, is tat im glad to have found the last piece of my puzzle right here today, on the twentieth of February twenty hundred nine. The skinny little girl who brushed across me during our first day of work. The short little girl who zoom right passed me even without even me taking any effort to look down at your face. The girl who asked for my name and if im attached. The girl whom i didnt really wan to pay any attention to. The little girl who now make my life complete. The journey, our journey began today, one year ago.

Our wish, it'll happen.

My little diamond

2010-02-15T12:20:00.000+08:00

"名榜。凭你的性格，你会寂寞。你的思想，不是所有人都能了解."

2010-01-28T23:45:00.000+08:00

I cant remember when was the last time i really felt so exhausted. Both physically and mentally.

My day started at 7. had classes from 830 till 530. Hall rugby training from 630 till 9. And finally im HOME.. yes MY REAL HOME. like finally.

Ok so things seems to be falling into place. So much for being the 3rd week of school. New found motivations. This sem will be better i knew it. Im just gonna go ahead fighting stronger than ever. I know i can become someone better at the end of the day.

Oh my im so drained everywhere i dunno wad i shld say. waiting for my little angel to come online... i wonder where she is.. always MIA one ah she..

2010-01-15T20:11:00.000+08:00

My home feels so cold for some reasons.

I guess i've enjoyed myself terribly well during the holidays last month. Well it was a good thing i had an unforgettable time with my love ones the cherished. And so the new semester begins, and i really thot i was prepared for it. Unknowingly my heart still wans to go back to those days when i can happily do and play wadeva i wan. Meet whoeva i want. It's tempting to hear things like eh wanna go out walk walk? lol.. i have to bring myself to focus.

Chase your own shadow than. I told myself. Well actually, i feel, if there's someone u terribly wans to win, it shld be yourself. Just go about beating the person whom u were just a second ago every time makes u better than who u were by a bit. Im not gonna compare myself to anyone this sem. Im just gonna get thru it getting higher den 4.42 this sem and being alot fitter physically and mentally. I'm gonna be stronger.

Yes. time to focus. for 4 mths

2010-01-12T23:48:00.000+08:00

And all the certainties finally came to and end. I've settled all my modules for this sem.

AE1002 Aerodiscovery Lab
FE1002 Math 2
FE1007 Physics 2
FE1003 Chemistry
HW110 Effective Communication
EE8087 Living With Math
HE104b Probabily and Stats

Ended up with a pretty alright schedule. Tho it isnt exactly perfect.

I've got a feeling this sem will be tougher. But at least i know wad i must do. And how to do it.
Let's hope things will go well. CHIONG AH

2010-01-10T22:54:00.000+08:00

As i took the step out of my home, i knew everything has just begun. A new study term, sem 2. This sem came a little different. I didnt get a schedule to my liking. Infact it was pretty horrible. Moreover my selections for my elective modules were messy, so i ended up with 2 messy electives.

Thankfully i know how to get myself out of this mess. I hope i know how to.

The holidays ended, infact rather quickly. However i have managed to fill it up with tonnes of wonderful memories. Thankyou monster girl for being there every min every sec, physically this time. Ur hugs have not been forgotten and they will not be.

This holiday drew us so much closer together :) yes u know wad i mean. Although the joy can be said to be short lived, due to the interruption of sem2, i know things will be very different this time. There will be no doubts and worries.. only anticipation. Because we both know now wad to do and wad must be done, and how they should be done. The strength you gave is paramount. Sem 2 will be better.

Just bring it

2010-01-01T23:01:00.000+08:00

A great way to spend the first day of the new yr.

It feels great to have a second home and a second family.

Like i said, being with you didnt just gain me a girlfriend. I have another mum and dad plus 2 more sisters :)

2009-12-31T22:51:00.000+08:00

Just another story

It's 2257 local time, 31/12/2009. It's a lil too early to be say happy new yr. Nevertheless..

It's the last day of year 2009. Those who are happening are probably out in town having fun with their friends, some of them maybe else where waiting for the clock to strike midnight so that they can enjoy the fireworks. I wonder if that is a good choice to allow a rather important moment of the year to pass by just like tat, by having just sensual pleasures.

The very last moment of this year will soon be upon us and i seriously felt for a need to stay calm and silent, just to look back in retrospect, how time had gone by for the last 365 days or so.

2009 felt like an extremely packed year. A year that mingbang has seen many different worlds. The first part of the year in the army, being fearful of getting charge due to a stupid 'assault' incident on my junior, which ended up in 14 extras tat i failed to finish serving. And so i left the army afterwards, feeling rather accomplished and confident that there will be nothing in this world will beat me.

There came the job searchings and i finally found one.. without much effort infact. Probably the most significant and the most wonderful thing to have happened in my life. The job in SCB as a full time photo copier boy end up with more than just having files over files scanned into the company PC. I met someone special. Someone to finally fill up the last piece of my jigsaw puzzle. And my life was complete:) All i can say, this joy i felt is unprecedented. Im confident to say, you are the best thing to have happened in this year; in my life. Although being in a relationship often means impending trouble :X We still have plenty to work on huh Ching Shiyu...

And more working.. More learning of life experiences along the way. Met great bosses along the way. Really opened my eyes as i went along.

The moment i've been waiting for eva since the last 2years have finally came. The excitment that came together if it.. it's too difficult to describe with words alone. It's like finding a vast oasis after being stranded in the desert and am on the brink of death; to see a silver lining beneath the overcasted sky. Aerospace engineering, a course i've waited impatiently yet helplessly to be enrolled into. The first 7 modules came, in a rather bittersweet fashion. They were surprisingly interested yet surprising hard to master. The last 3mths spent with my friends, namingly Hsien meng and yzeyang. Although we have known each other terribly long, long enuf for them to say SIEN AH IT'S MINGBANG AGAIN, we seem to have understood each other more after being together, as classmates once again. Congratulations my frens, for doing so well this sem. I may be trailing behind but watch out, u guys are my target still, as always.

A A A- A- B+ B+ B+ 4.42

It will be better next sem

And time slips by as i type.
It's 2327 local time 31/12/2009
Location: My princess's place.
A different way to spend my new year. To be with this special person :)

Happy new year to Dad, Mum, Da Jie, Er Jie, San Jie, Dad, Mum, Hui Pei, Jia Yu. And my little princess.

Together with Hewting, Joce, Jul, Becky. Sheep, Mong, Gs, Tj, Aaron, CW and the boys from 62.
I hope for peace in you people, in a world of calmness and happiness.

2009-12-16T22:05:00.000+08:00

Day 2

My first daylight in Japan. My face was met with the chilling air as i stepped out of the balcony. It was 6 in the morning and the sky in Tokyo is already brightly lit up by the rays of sunshine. It is gonna be a long but enjoyable day.

First stop of the day Tsukijishijo. To the wet market! Probably one of the places i really like. There's a common chemistry between my dad and I. Perhaps that is the reason why we are father and son. The clear blue sea and all the creatures in it seems to entice us so much. And here i guess my sister has really brought me to the right place. There was tonnes of fishes on sale. Well actually NOT JUST FISHES! I saw the TUNA! and it was really huge. They were all frozen solid probably by liquid nitrogen i guess and their thick and fat body had to be sliced by a saw!! How intriguing! Other aquatic life that were on sale were things like the Alaskan King crab, tonnes of prawns of diff species and lots and lots more! god. it's gonna take pages writing the entire day. TOo many has happened!!wanna know more? give me a date.

2009-12-14T21:43:00.000+08:00

Day 1

The day started early. Woke up at 5, gave my sis a morning call. My mum and i did some light dressing up and we are ready to cab down to the airport. We heard that it's gonna be cold in Tokyo so we put on our battlesuits to get ourselves ready for the impending weather.

Our scheduled flight was a JAL boeing 777. It isnt really a big plane.. compared to the 747 and the 380. Probably only 300 seater but it sure does proves itself to be the largest twinjet aircraft for it's class. The flight was slightly bumpy, with slight turbulence on and off, otherwise it was pretty smooth going... The food was alright. Well im not really picky so yeap, im contented.

After 7 hrs of flight, we finally landed at Norita International Airport. Whoo. like finally. Well we didnt go with anyone else for this trip, just the few of us from the family who planned the itinerary(credit goes to 2nd and da jie). So.. we really have fun looking at maps.. and asking arnd in the streets of japan with our half broken.. no fully broken japanese in hope to find our lodging. And we did.

That's probably the sum up of day 1. Nothing much in particular. Just blind mice leading each other arnd. But it was fun. The weather, is great! it's air conditioned everywhere. Prolly 9degress in the Celsius scale and lower. No perspiration for the entire day. And yes, tat really meant alot to me. Im all beat. Lol er jie was still asking if wanna go gym with her. crazy. I wonder how tmr will turn out to be. I heard we;re going to the fish market....

Until tmr den peeps...

2009-12-10T23:00:00.001+08:00

Live, age and die. That's something all of us will go thru.

He was a strong and huge man. Someone i was darn sure that can live for many more yrs to come. Every time i go to his place, he just seems stronger year after year. Not showing any form of weakness due to the scars of flowing time. Until cancer got him.

I wasnt really close to my 2nd uncle. I never really knew who he was. I didnt have a complete idea who my cousins from his line were. We were really distant. However through his passing, i saw the sorrows of his loved ones. He's wife especially. Tears that flow as much as the blood that spills from the wound his death has brought upon.

Living in a world full of older people generally made me see more deaths. I felt. Eventually, i grew fearful as to when such things will hit me. Think about it people. Every time, things go wrong and bad, we start to blame more than we start to appreciate. Why are my parents like tat. Why cant my b/gfren be like that etc etc. All these expectations for others, only seem to do more harm than good, to all parties.

Stop blaming, start loving. You never know. It may jolly well be your last chance.

Feeling so messy. Im not sad. neither am i happy. Im neither somewhere in the middle too. Im not feeling anything, at the same time i feel everyting. Is that how u feel when u have a period ladies? if it is.. i think i shld be mindful of my sexual orientation. wahahaha.

Live life like it's the last. Love like you have never loved before.

2009-11-14T00:31:00.001+08:00

The most unbelievable thing happened today. And im glad it did.

Everything feels as if it has just restarted. The feeling was the same. Just like the first time i held her took up her hands and hold them just so closely and tightly. I was never wrong to have made that decision.

Im all beaten. such a long day. Tmr begins and everything restarts as well. Jiayou. Just 3more weeks. It's a test.. it's a test.

2009-11-12T21:12:00.000+08:00

You know. For some time i thot words if spoken can seem to really bring forth ideas with better clarity.

Maybe they did. But after some time, the depth of it's expression seem to get decrease with each incremented usage. To a point i look back at all the things i've said... The things people have said. And i start to ponder. Do they bear any form of truth?

I guess there is still a need to write things down. Like a diary. Yes and for those who keep one. U have made a right choice. But too bad. I guess u are so packed now ur diary must have been a few months out of date :) hehe..

Well expect this place to be updated quite frequently from now. So yes. dear readers. i hope i dont bore you.

And yes. I received tonnes of best wishes. So much for being 21 already. For all i wan to thank. Thank you mum, for giving life to me 21 years ago. But i apologise too to be unable to give you anything in return yet. Just another 3 more yrs. I promise u.

Just taking a 15minutes break. I have things to write. really. but yes. quiz tmr. Good luck julie! i know u will see this. Pull thru.

My darling princess same to you too! dont vex yourself with additional concerns okay:) i wan you to give me your BIGGEST SMILE XD We will survive and get use to all these. We will get our deserved time together when everything ends!

2009-11-11T20:29:00.000+08:00

yea.. I had u rotting here for sometime ya mr blog :)

How i missed those times when i use to seek refuge in you. When there wasnt anyone arnd to talk to.

I know i shldnt be here. Online.. looking at the screen typing this.. note which i doubt anyone will read. However there are just certain things i have in my heart. Things i really wan one to know. Yet i must do so in such a indirect manner.

Being in a relationship has been terrific. However it brings abt it's own set of problems really. Your partner can sometime be someone whom u really understand. To be with you all the time. To share your happiness and sadness. In the midst of all that, one may to a pt, out of a sudden, realise as well, how distant and how much you didnt know and understand about your partner. Just like this familiar shadow you had doesnt seem so much like itself anymore. U try hard to understand the situation. But u cant help but feel powerless. The more u tried to comprehend. The more confused you get.

I really hate cliffhangers. Dont tell me that things are alright when there are obviously things in your mind and you are not sharing. Sigh. So much for no secrets huh... but it's okay. as much as i hate it. i will make myself accept.

haa.. only time can tell.. only time can tell.. i guess. Im writing here, with a heavy heart. To a pt i once again pick up the phone, wanting to dial up a number, hoping for someone who can make me feel better, hoping someone can give me some guidance. But i find myself back to where i was, when i had to drown all the sorrow and hopefully they will disappear after a good nights sleep.

Unfortunately i have to work against it for now. Physics webassight X 5 more qns. Econs notes. and computing notes.

Strength Courage and Bravery. Give them to me.

Im 21 tmr:) happy birthday mingbang. I hope for a world with no sorrow. A world where everyone share loving kindness. I pray for safety for my family and all my loved ones. And for your happiness as well.

2009-05-12T21:19:00.000+08:00

How well do you know your world? How well do u know ur race? generically i mean. Not malay chinese lah.

But still there are plentiful of useless people arnd.

Is it really that tough trying to be perfect sometimes? Tho it's a certainty that a state of perfection is unattainable, however i believe it's path can however be perfect. Thanks becky. I still remember wad you said up to now. Tho i cant remember when that took place.

mong just said that he didnt understand me at all msot of the time. like wth.. lol haha

2009-05-10T21:57:00.000+08:00

I like the way things are going. And i know things will get better as things go by. One yr huh.. we shall see.

Well Ferrari isnt really doing well lately. They had better cars now. And i thot they wud have closed in the gaps. But look at wad happened in Spain; cars and drivers aint the only thing tat make F1 champions.... sigh so disappionted with the support team.

Oh yea. Off to work again tmr. I wonder. Half of me wans to have fun, the other urges myself to go to work soon. zzzz. shld just go slp earlier. Gotta force myself to do morning runs now. Passion run's coming real soon. im out.

2009-05-01T22:05:00.000+08:00

my boy... wad a day.. my voice hasnt felt so hoarse eva since my days as a cci.. loLs.. better drink more water for now..

However i think i enjoyed myself terribly... Too much work would makes MB a dull boy... i agree.

Must learn how to jaga work and play well.. im feel recharged to work again..

2009-04-25T20:41:00.000+08:00

While one is prepared to make plannings about his future, he must to be ready to accept the unpredictable reality in time to come.

I ended up in a different route today. Well not becos i grew tired so i shortened it, but i managed to see poh doing his run along the way.. So i joined in with his route. lol tat's how coincidental things can be sometimes. haha did everything happen for a reason? or is all tat has happened a phenomenon of total randomness?

aniway.. it has been a busy week. Somehow i really feel like going out to enjoy myself. but i know tat isnt gonna happen.. at least until next weekend. yawns

2009-04-24T21:54:00.000+08:00

Let us take some time off our usual schedule. And give thanks to our parents, for the time they have put in to groom us. Let's show our appreciation to their patience during all that process. Child bearing is hard.. but the pain is momentary.. Molding the child is a real pain in the neck. I cannot imagine how im gonna do it.. when im already close to explosion seeing a brat 2times a week...

The end of Phase two... It was the last day of work. I left with tonnes of work undone; the one week duration is just too short to get anything done. However the insights left in me are plentiful. Im sure they will serve me well somehow. The appreciation, the thanks. It made me feel like I've made a difference tho it was only one week. Be it for real or was it just for show, I thank the entire HR department of Amex international for the wonderful 1week worth of memories.

Moving on. Phase three Starts. Although im not too sure if it's gonna be as enjoyable. Standchart once again. With tonnes of aunties.... gawd.. Pls dun drag me into the office politics if any. I really just wan to work in peace(one piece).

2009-04-22T20:27:00.000+08:00

my bad. For the delay. I'll get so tired all the time after work. I wonder how poh can eva do his running after working lols. crazy fella. Tho i cant wait to start on mine during the weekends. I've already gotten my running routes all planed out.

The new work place. Well to give more details, im working under Amex in their HR depart. Cool place to work at. The adults there are insightful and they are taking good care of me. They really made me feel so small when all of them kept commenting that Im so young. yea.. perhaps i really am. Make ur correct decisions people. Cos u can never be that young. Our prime growing age is now. Wadeva we do.. really decides where u go. A minute of screw up here may mean screwing up a lifetime.

Im starting to enjoy working. If only all my assignments last arnd 2weeks. Im so sure i can learn so many things. All that experience from different people. It's good overloading urself with all these different characters.

Sigh 2more days and it's gonna be over. And im to another place. I really hoped to know those people better.

2009-04-18T22:54:00.000+08:00

well 17Again visited numerous issues. I thot that it was generally a good show(maybe tat is becos it was KNOWING tat i caught the day b4). But nah i dun think so. It's a good show. It made me feel like im 17Again. Tho im pretty much sure that i will not wan to relive my teenage times again(thinks abt tat 1yr 10mths... shrugs). Im just one of the luckier onces to have no regrets for the past; i wudnt wan to do the same thing over again; worse still i may ruin my current self by screwing up my past if i were to relive it. The show serves as a good wake up call to many who are wasting their lifes at this pt of time.

Okay last day of zbl. better enjoy it

2009-04-15T22:16:00.000+08:00

And i've found another job. 2jobs actually. One a 1week assignment at a far far place from home. The second, starting right after the first, a 3mth assignment till end july; tonnes of OT, even on sats. I know i need to enjoy the final few days of unemplyment...

So i went to evolve MMA for their half an hr worth of try out. The technique taught are basic. The instructor is japanese.. speaks in a cool manner, am SG #1 MMA fighter. Good technique good body good looks good MOI. Too bad it costs 200per mth as a member. loL I guess i shld make sometime to go back to FightG...

Running tmr. To make up for the countless days of laziness.. Den bball with cheeweewee.. Havent been seeing him. Quickly grasp the chance b4 he starts school.

Friday. Gogogo

2009-04-12T22:18:00.000+08:00

It was a day well spent.

taught tuition.

Met up with my 2 buddies

Sent Jason off

Received my sister

Well of all the time well spent, i guess the best was with Jocejoce and Becky. To think of it, im so sure that it is the first time after so many years, that we actually met up without the disturbance of any others. To chit chat.. To catch up. Im thankful. None of us have changed. One being the Confidant i use to know still... the other, my best girlfriend eva known. Im glad. And im thankful to have finally caught up with them in terms of maturity. Finally i feel that i can talk to them eye to eye, at equal wavelengths (as and when i like).

I havent been slping well. Something's brooding in me. Even if i know what it is, i have a feeling it doesnt take time to solve this time. a cup Baileys with me anyone?

2009-04-05T21:17:00.001+08:00

The new DS trainer. Cusion 5/5 Grip 5/5 Control 5/5 Felxibility 5/5 Comfort 5/5 Overall 5/5.

It's worth the 175. Just that im a lil undeserving of such a good pair of shoe with my current level of fitness. Time to kick up the mileage.

Phase one of this interim period has come to an end. My first assignment. Done. I was glad with the way it went. Somehow i see that NS has really done me well. Thankyou. Im also glad. Tho it was rare. But i've found another tat understands.

To change the world, we must first change ourselves.

2009-03-31T20:56:00.000+08:00

First failure.. first defeat of the year.. I gave thot to it. I still cant figure out what exactly went wrong with the interview. I was rather disappointed really. I was so confident. Over confident maybe. i thot i was indestructible. But i failed

Good wake up call for me. Im not so zai. okay note taken. Time to be more modest.

Another job den. HAhaha.. i like how celest put it, sometimes the lost of something may bring upon greater rewards.. i like that.

Who knows what else might happen in my next job.

Down with the first problem. The next one may take sometime to clear.

2009-03-30T20:59:00.000+08:00

vexxed? siens? i wonder. Till i figure out something.

Just cant wait to strap on my running gear tmr morning.. go for a morning run.. yawns

Wish list:
Heavy Bag
New Trainers
New Knee guard
New Hp
Lots of money
starcraft 2

2009-03-18T22:13:00.000+08:00

i hate it when people stomp down my hopes. I've waited for it's coming for so long. and you people are telling me im gonna get slapped hard in the face by wad i've always been waiting for? I'll prove you people wrong.

yawns. Stop victimising yourself. Your life aint tat bad people. U are fortunate enuf alr. To be able to study. To be able to do the things u like. U remind me of those low lifes back in those days in army. Stand up. Make a stand. Develop urself. If u think it's tough, toughen urself to make things simple for you.

The world is fixed. The variable? You

2009-03-12T23:08:00.000+08:00

for crying out loud. i apologise for the immature and childish post back den. What was i thinking? Hoping for a world full of nannies and body guards? The world didnt change. Neither was it an utopia at the first place. It was distorted.. true. but wad was the problem? The problem was with me. You(me) really think tat a place where everyone understands each other will exist? The very reason many dream of a heaven(haven) to go to in their next lifes probably proved my theory wrong. Oh well. The meaner the world is, the harder You gotta fight to change urself to survive.

ah bollocks. tonnes of trashtalking..

I met up with my class. Well the usual ones. and the unusual ones. All i can say. It's time to move on.

Work work

2009-03-10T21:31:00.000+08:00

"It's a small small world..." ya i heard the kids down below my block sing that song as i ate my dinner in a hurry.. i wudnt be late for tuition.

How nice can it be if all of us can remain innocent and unaware of the real world.. just like those kids. However the reality hits me badly as i grew older with each passing minute. Hear me out kids, it's not a small world we live in, but a world filled with small people that we do. Small not literally.. but in their hearts.

I thot the army was imperfect. I was wrong. The army was merely a subset of wad is. The world is the culprit. And the root of this distortion, is no one but the very species we call ourselves. Why cant everyone try a little harder to understand each other? By being the same species that we are, with the very biometric configurations we have in common in so many ways, is it really so hard to understand one another? U say yes? I think u havent tried.

Why are we thinking of ways to hurt others so we can in the way find peace? Why cant we spend the time used to hurt others to find ways to live in peace together? I believe there's always a smarter way to do things. An easier way out that everyone benefits. Another way where no one gets hurt. As sophisticated we humans may be.. i feel we are in everyway as unintelligent. Hail(Hell) to the 8000 yrs of civilisation.

Stupid people.

Work was normal. Just that the happenings (that showed the taint of even those considered a pleasure to the senses) left me deep in thought. Nothing is left beautiful i feel. All but is a facade.

Until someone stood out to show me the exception i will not accept the world.

I dun think it is the correct time to get subjected to this taint. Even by the slightest bit. I shld be studying. I should be enjoying the final few moments of my "childhood". Yawns. Those who are studying. Pls dun complian anymore.

2009-03-04T23:36:00.000+08:00

long time pal.

Ord comes and the next phase of life kicks in. Well not really. The interim b4 life starts kicks in.
And so i started working. For this bank. Repeatedly i did the same task over and over again. I look at what i am doing and wondered. "How different is this from the life i had just a few mths ago?" oh gawd.

Im tired. 6mths. aha this is worse den ord.

2009-02-17T22:45:00.000+08:00

Code Geass is really one good anime that twistes and distorts my mine. I really cant stop thinking of the story.

It's really a nice anime to watch. I wonder why Gundam OO is so overated. As compared to the story i hate to say it.. Code Geass beats everything else. Even deathnote i feel.

Last day of my contract tmr. Lol have quite alot of fun going arnd sg. Tho the admin side is pretty cock up. But im all used to such cock ups. SAF has taught me well.

Well gotta make some detours tmr.. Before i start with the remnants of my assignment. Hehe Gotta get a 1mth contact signed for my next job. Oh well i wonder if it's gonna be a right choice.. 1mth of contract. Wad's gonna happen after tat. HOpefully i can find another job when the time comes.

The search for cash continues..

2009-02-10T22:32:00.000+08:00

Good things happen.. when u are out of the army...

I recieved this from my regular today.

It reads, "I have admired your work ethics and garang attitude. I've always felt taht you shld had been posted to OCS instead. Thanks for all your outstanding contributions to our wing. I can say, that you are one of the best instr we ever had. Good luck to your studies...."

Well when i read his text, i almost teared. This was the first time i felt so appreciated for the time and work i've put in as an instructor. Most of the time the "I AM ZAI" has always been mutually exclusive. Im the only one who felt tat i was. At least i thot i was the only one. I knew i have always worked for nothing, but i told myself all the time, im doing this for my own acknowledgement and self-improvement.

It was a painful experience working so hard.. and long without any recognition and reward. And finally something official comes telling me that i've been valued. Im sad and happy both at once. Happy for obvious reasons... sad for why such recognition have to come only after i left. Bittersweet.....

Anwiay i've passed my TP today. I was pretty ready to retake.. butwell lady luck was on my side. I am ZAI.

2009-02-06T00:52:00.000+08:00

All journeys come to an end.

Im having this strange feel as i typed this entry. A feel neither bitter nor sweet. A feel of neither excitment nor boredom. A feel neither glee nor disappointing.

It has been a yr and 10mths, since i last crossed over as a civilian to a soldier. I can still remember how things were back den, during enlistment. We looking back at our family as they left us on the island so mysterious to all, with a look of helplessness, with a look of anticipating doom. The days passed, and we trained ourselves to fight, in all conditions. Fight, is a big world. It's not just about firing of rifles, brandishing of knives and throwing of punches. The fight for survival doesnt just apply to all that, although it was often literally translated in the army. Taken a closer look, a deeper thought, i feel that we, man had been given an orientation to the understanding of this single word eariler than anyone else.

I feel strong. Both physically and mentally. I can take on anything, any person, anytime. I've grown and i've matured. Despite all the curse and swears we've all given, due to our bosses, our man, our colleagues, our lives; at the end of the day, i wonder if all will be able to come to a consensus, that this yr and 10mths have been fruitful? Yes you may not have enjoyed this time, but im sure it wud have benefited you in ways u may not have noticed. Im just one of the lucky few to have spotted these benefits.

Im glad im a man. Im glad I went through the army.

My frens, my comrades in padding, shin guard, forearm guard, groin guard, head guard and boxing gloves, im glad to have became an instructor with you, although there are some whom i do not wan to associate with and too do not acknowledge u as one of us. Im glad to have went through this segment of my life together.

Jason
Kai Lun
kenneth
Shin loong
Huang Yu
Justin
Feldman
Ewen
Junwei

It is my honor to have known you, trained with you, fought with you and worked with you. As we go seperate ways tmr, i will remember every bit of the time spent with you people together. Thankyou

Injury Check list:
1)Groin
2)Right Knee
3)Left shoulder
4)Pemernant Head damage

Newly updated:
1)Stronger mine
2)Stronger body
3)Equiped with BJJ Muay Thai TKD Krav Maga Akido Judo and all sorts of Close Combat Skills
4)A vulgar tongue (gonna be nerfed after next patch)
5)Bigger guts
6)A matured mind

ord lo

2008-12-31T18:53:00.000+08:00

im allowing the last day of 08 pass by just like tat. And i mean it. Just like tat. Well but come to think abt it. What's so special abt the last day of the yr. Lol. U still eat when u are hungry. Slp when u are tired. Wake up the next day, yes tho it's an addition to the yr clock, u still... eat when u are hungry slp when u are tired. Nothing has changed.

Being in NS has really ceased all my abilities to tell time. I cant really remember if it was 07 april when i enlisted or was it 08. Yea come to closer thinking.. it's 07 and a milestone must have passed eva since. 2yrs gone in an instnace. well not yet. but pretty soon. Have i grown in anyway? I wouldnt really look at 08 as one time spent. However the entire NS package shld be deem as one collective time spent, and i assure myself, yes i've matured. Compared to how i used to be.. back den in JC, when i was working and waiting for results, my perspective in life have widened by an considerable amount. Thank you NS.

Gogo. 1mth left to go. Redemption is soon to be mine.

2008-12-17T21:53:00.000+08:00

im feeling all cranky after dosing myself with 3cans of red bull. Now i do feel like a bull.

Sometimes life can be really be so dramatic. It just feels like you're watching the events pop by endlessly on the TV. Many NSFs got their share of shitty times during their earlier days in the army; when they are full of zeal and estasy abt the entire thing. However there are a grp of unfortunate ones who gets a taste of such, when they are closing in to the end of their army life. And i do happen to be one of the unlucky ones.

And here i am in the office while im supposed to book out, serving the 2nd of my extras out of the 14 i've gotten, becos of something really stupid. It was a long story i wouldnt wan to mention. "Whatever doesnt kill me makes me stronger"; this phrase have never felt so real. Tho many may have doubted the "from boys to man" thing in the army, to me i guess i've became pretty manly after so much trouble. I really feel prepared for the real world now.

Well it's weird that im actually being so optimistic after so many crap has happened. Perhaps this time it really ran so much out of proportion tat it made me go crazy enough to function exacly the opposite of wad the usual me wud have; to be extrememly pessimistic. Sigh im all tonned down. Chills relax. Wait for ord. But im really glad to know that there're people in my unit tat really care and will protect me; although there are those who do the opposite, but luckily their existence is of no relevance to me, neither is it to anyone else nor the rest of the world.

Well let's just push all the remaining troubles i'll have to face to next yr and exhilarate for what is to come for the remnants of this yr; tmr's gonna be my last working day!~ Enuf said. One need no explainations is required further to prove my stand. 14full days to enjoy myself. How to, i have no idea. It's time to pick up the phone, dial some numbers to ask for some company...

2008-11-22T13:17:00.000+08:00

THere's a long queue and i'd prolly need another 10mins b4 i can get into WoW. Based on my calculations.. i shld be able to hit 80 by next weekend..

The week was pretty crappy. Came back from the holidays and pop thing's gets messy once i book in. blahblahblah.. scrapped thru.. and finally friday.. and something stupid happened again. I hit my nose while doing pullups.. I really wonder if it is broken. Hurts now when i touch it.. $#$!

LOGGED IN~

2008-11-19T23:06:00.000+08:00

It is perhaps the weirdest part of your body tat one may be injured... but yes it is.. i've injured my groin....

Dun think far far.. It's the groin

dumb.. totally dumb..

2008-11-16T22:42:00.000+08:00

It's over. My long awaiting one week of break slips away without me noticing. However if i did try harder.. i can only say that only half of the break has been fulfilling. I has been fun lah.. For the times i managed to spend with my fren.

5More weeks b4 the end of yr break. Go MB.

2008-11-12T23:20:00.000+08:00

Well after today i got to know myself better again. I guess it's just part of myself to always believe that people arnd me are not obliged in anyway to do me any good. Unless they wanted something back in return. Yea i know. An extremely pessismistic point of view.

Today i accepted tonnes of kindness from people whom i too had no expectations in doing anything for me, in every single way. On my birthday. Well u can say tat it is sad but wadeva happened just a few hrs back was my very first bday celebration brought about by my friends. Im really touched and im a man so im holding on to my tears.

Thank you Huifang and meiyi for the Gift u took so much planning in order to purchase.

All the guys esp Vin and Edd who u know had to book in, yet came all the way from coast to coast.. well not really but u know.. appreciated.

Keynes. No gift its okay. Ur presence is forgiving enuf.

Joce i dun have to thank you. u know how thankful i am just for ur existence.

Jenrine i dunno why u went thru all the trouble for the such a undeserving me. U had exams u dun really like me but u still did so much. It's simply uncomprehensible. But Like i said. With all the thankyous i have given to all. The one filled with the highest form of respect and gratitude goes to you. I know u do read this. Seriously. Thank you for making my day. And perhaps one i will never forget.

Corny? It's just how i feel but i simply cant say it infront of everyone

2008-11-11T19:28:00.000+08:00

As the clock ticks down to the final few moments before i turn 20 officially, there are some things i wud really like to say.

My dad was at home from work. He said to me. Nong (he calls me tat since 20yrs ago) wanna catch some crabs tmr??

It's a normal sentence. But it was filled with warmth andan agenda to make me happy. Perhaps he remembers it's my bday tmr. Im sure he wud have remembered. Im his only son afterall.

You know sometimes, ur parents will play with you when u are young, listen to ur worries, give u the better meat and they take the left overs, it's nt that they are too free or they simply loved the dry areas of the chicken breast or the stench of fish stomachs. It was a compromise they are willing to compensate for the sake of their children. Im glad i could feel that side of my father today.

So he asked me out, to do a particular something i would have been extremely enthusiatic about.. maybe ten yrs ago. Well believe me he made me a jungle boy back den. I turned him down. I really had plans elsewhere. However i asked myself, why only till the 12NOV will he show such concern? Well i appreciated his offer but sadly that only proves how distant we are over the yrs. 20yrs of existence i've moved on a distance of 2decades. However he was still trailing 2 decades behind.

It's tougher to lose something u have den to never have it at all. Who's more lucky? the abandoned child or an orphan?

Of cos my situation isnt really tat bad. Infact it's a million times better den others who are more unfortunate. Im just sad that my father has to be such a.. im afraid i have to say.. a loser.

Well a few zillion congratulations to people like aaron cheewee louis and many others of my brothers in arms who have finally gottan their salvation on this day. The 11th NOV. After spending almost 2yrs of life standing still while everyone else moves on, i wonder if they find it difficult to really get back to life. Pun intended. I still have a couple of months. I wudnt want to think of the things i'll have to go through tho, else these ouple of months are gonna look very much like a couple of years. HAaa..

Let's just take time to enjoy the peace and serenity.. while it lasts..

2008-11-09T20:13:00.000+08:00

yawns. Now tat im the only one on leave. Im really starting to think that this break is a mistake. I've gotta figure out how to spend the 5 weekdays alone at home or anywhere else....

111108. To those guys who ORD. COngratulations. Dun forget to save ur laughters for my predicament but show me extra support so i can wack thru the final months of my NS...

My neck hurts.. the bump on my head is still there and i realised there's another at my near right temple.. HAHAA... perhaps i can take the opportunity to go to some sport shop to get my groin guard and mouth guard...

2008-11-08T22:45:00.000+08:00

MMA was.... full of colours today..

Well i got punched in the mouth and my lips got cut by my teeth. Next some bugger whent crazy on their spar and they hit me on the head while grappling.. Now i have a small bump on my head.
Time to invest in a mouth guard.. and a groin guard. There's no telling wad may happen next time. Groin leh. better be careful den sorry..

It was a happy day. Havent had a family dinner for so long. And the one we had was great.

Im so tired from all the activities i did. Lol but i dun wanna slp.. 10days of leave and 2days down already. I know wad's coming up for the remaining days so the sense of foreboding definately stinks/stings... Yawnss. On addition my boss, who rightfully took back his responsibilities after coming back from his erm shld i say "holiday", decided to cramp our lessons all together to make room for some less important stuff. All i know is tat we're already v busy with the shortage of manpower, but still he decides to do soemthing like tat.

Im okay one.. i dun mind working super hard, cos at the end of the day it's just abt me getting real tired and perhaps abit of complain here and there. Trust me, im tat kind of a workoholic. i just cant wait to see him cocking up stuffs again HEHE.. 1 guy teach 100guy. Cant wait for that to happen..

2008-10-31T19:17:00.000+08:00

There are 2 reasons why im feeling shitified today. Well actually 3.

Sigh due to some bad scheduling Delta is left with 6hrs for me to fill them up with the 1mth plus of gap. I tried my best, but those soon to be commissioned officers simply feels too arrogant to be moved by anything i say. So i screwed them up big time. And im pissed cos i simply dun think they deserve to be taught so thoroughly..

So i taught. All the way pass book out time. And there i have, my dear little juniors packing up and changing to their bookout attire even b4 im done with my lesson. Enuf said. So much for me trying the very best to set up an image for everyone to follow. An image people will be left in awe upon mention of my name. And after trying so hard... i realised the problem isnt really with me.. They are just too incapable. They shld have been posted to the infantry regiments to chiong sua. The thought of them complaining of others being incapable simply ruins my appetitte.

Thirdly, i can stand having the need to do things Well and to my fullest potential when i know it offers Zero value addedness to anything else despite being a v nice guy to actually defend for the latter.

But anyway i cheated my boss half of a day today. He promised to give me an half day off for some extra work i did. And so i asked him to sign my offpass. But i "accidentally" wrote it as a full day off. He didnt check and signed. Wadeva. 7 till the 16.. F%^k NS

2008-09-27T23:11:00.000+08:00

i've never been so hooked to F1 b4.. haha gooo ferrari!! Goo kimi!

Well being live at the F1 was such a thrill. Only for the first half and hr. HHaa for the rest of the time... i thot abt it. I realised it will be more comfortable watching the race at home with ur own drink of ur choice other den some cock opps i mean coke tat costs 3bucks per bottle... no lah they serve plain water too; tho it costs 3bucks as well.

Well i dun think i can fully enjoy myself if i went tmr.. haha cost i sprained my neck during practice today. car move so fast.. how to kip up with a neck den can barely turn lol. Vrooooom

Alright Q3 just ended with Filipe massa in the front of the starting line for tmr.. followed by hamilton and kimi. Alonso got kicked out cos of some car problem... wad a waste..

Cant wait for race day tmr!!

2008-09-24T19:02:00.000+08:00

I didnt know people do visit my site and im quite astonished. Thank you people. NOw tat i know i'll try to write in a language everyone will understand. Tough sial. engrish not tat powderful.

Aniway thanks for all the praying and concerns. I guess im really lucky this time. Im actually pardoned of all offences. Im actually thinking of the reason why they pardoned me and i realy couldnt figure out myself. I was pretty sure 7weekend was wad i had to burn. People say that wadeva that doesnt kill me makes me stronger. Hope tat is the case. All i hope for now is a peaceful 4more months ahead. Haha it's quite a humor to have things happening to me only when im almost done with my 1yr 10mth contract with the nation... Stay low profile stay low profile.

It's really such a relief. I almost thot i was gonna miss the SG F1 GP LIVE and YES LIVEE!!!!! plus alot of paid MMA lessons. Thank god. It may not be this life but im pretty sure it was the results of positive karma tat has fully blossomed due to good deeds done somewhere somehow somewhen.... Do more charity, it'll do u good.

SG F1 HERE I COME!!

2008-09-19T20:25:00.000+08:00

Thing's havent been going exactly well lately and i really wonder why. I worked hard. abide by the rules, yet troubles still seems to find it's place in my life.

Just today, i shutted down my unit's OA system otherwise known as the office automation.. if u're not tech savvy. Why i corrupted the database with virus. It's a long story. But i was doing official stuffs and i did whatever i could at tat pt of time, with the avaliable judgment and guidance.

Well i made 2 simple mistakes. One i did not scan the file after i transfered it. Well apparently scanning the file once b4 transfer was not enuf. Two i failed to make any form of report after a virus detection was notified when the file was accessed. i admit im wrong. However like i said, with the avaliable judgment and guidance at that pt of time i did all i can and i did the correct stuffs.

Wad made me so made is tat i can have my AO pushing all blames to me (yeahh and it's the first time im seeing someone so eager with pushing the blame), when she doesnt even care to empathize with me. Bitch..

Next i can have my area IC saying things like, EHH WHY U TRANSFER THE FILE? I THOT I ASKED U TO WAIT FOR ME TO TRANSFER FOR U. harloo who's granddad passed away and needed tat compassionate leave and who was the one who told me to finish the project by yesterday? Well if u really cared u could have dropped a msg telling us to stop work and wait for u to be back b4 we continue.

Everyone's just washing their hands clean of all stains when shit happens. And now im all alone to fend for myself.

Well for those who didnt understand wad i was trying to say.. the situation im now in is seriously bad. And im quite dead. 7 Extras the least. DB if the worse turns out.

And the truth bhind it? i see people who are working getting all the extras and more shit. People who slack arnd simply walks off free of any duties. And that's why im pissed.

I worked for u, u get the credit, i stay quiet... Now im in trouble where are u to help my boss? all i hear in my head are echos of WHY U DO THIS WHY U DO TAT. and not u saying things like Dun worry i'll help u as much as i can cos u worked so hard for me; u deserved to be pardoned if not for the work done but the hard work. Male dog

Sigh spoils my mood for everything. OCS D tmr 8 to 10. Meet cheewee. Meet becky... aiya wadeva la. no mood..

2008-08-25T22:07:00.000+08:00

it feels like a terribly long weekend. Oh why did i even use the word terrible? haha it shld be terrific instead. Well more remarkably, the things i've done wud ofcos.. i guess the 21km halfmarathon. Well planning was bad, they served lukewarm water, my boss didnt come to take charge, i had to do all his job; well he claimed tat he had to go and get a better starting position.. blah blah. wadeva.

Yawns. Im starting to feel the drag. Time doesnt seem to be moving at all. Yawns. i shld start planning on when to clear my leaves.....

I terribly need something new in my life. Im dying of boredom...

2008-08-21T20:26:00.001+08:00

Well my sis was using my usual wash room. So i had to use the other to remove my lenses. Well having done so i walked out without my glasses. My dad was at the wrong place at the wrong time. So he removed this hot cap off the pot of curry, turned arnd, and there was my hand. Well it hurt, and my mind just blew. I kinda like yelled at him cant u see im not wearing my specs, u shld at least watch ur way when u are doing ur stuffs. Wadeva happened to me i must be crazy saying something like tat to my dad. He was shocked too. It was my first time doing something like tat to my dad.

Well must be NS. True, the day was badly screwed thanks to people who think that they can lead and people who refuses to do the wrong things at the right time. Early in the day some guy tooked MC. We had 3units up and we're already short of manpower without anyone missing. Den we had another who went off for medical off without acknowledgement from anyone.

So i went to OCS.. ready for my 4hr lesson, ALONE; since the others had to attend to lessons elsewhere or otherwise. 4hrs, 2 from bravo another 2 from sierra. My small boss did told me tat bravo wanted their lesson earlier at 730. So i got there early. However it wasnt Bravo tat i saw. Sierra came instead. I was dumbfounded. I mean huh wtf was happening. I thot my boss did a tinywiny screwup - He mixed up the wings. OKay was find with me. can forgive. Sierra did their warm up and there came bravo, at 749... yea.. when they are the ones who told me to come earlier, they came late. So great. one instructor 2 wings, 200 trainees. It may not have been that bad, afterall it's just abt hurting ur vocalcords and being more tired to jaga everything, but the wings were at a different pace. So right. How in the world am i going to conduct 2 different lessons at the same time. So i screwed the directives, skipped their safety lesson and went straight to lesson 2 for bravo. So i can finish the job. I shld have cancelled their lesson. Fuckedup.

well alot more happened later. dun wan to talk abt it. Sigh.

If u dun master ur anger. Ur anger will master u. Take it easy..

2008-08-17T01:21:00.000+08:00

Well the world can be small but it she was the last person i thot i'd eva see on the streets. Such coincidence, at times can be rather freaky. But still i was happy to be able to check her out.

yawns. happy bday vincent.

2008-08-14T19:38:00.000+08:00

The word for today: CHarlie.

Well being an instrutor has never been so great. Afterall, i guess i've lost pretty much of my drive to work as enthusiastically as before. Reason simple. I can smell ORD alr. To be more exact, it's actually in 140plus days.

Okay, lets have a break and bring the time back to hmm around one yr and a mth ago. Well my PC told us to strive to be an officer, so u'd be able to touch the lives of others in ur stay in NS. At least tat was the only form of satisfaction one can eva get doing the NS, he said. However i never became an officer; i thot a CCI could have been alot easier to accomplish the feat, since i'll get to interact with many others who are too serving our dear nation.

I taught diligently, tried my best everytime i had a lesson, got scolded so many times by my seniors but i never loathe, even for once; i really wanted to learn as many as i can from dem so i can become the best instructor one can eva find, at least in the entire CCTW. Tat was my drive, for as long as i can remember being a CCI, just to fulfill a very simple wish.

However i've never felt accomplished in any way. I worked when i could have slacked, infact i was being over Garang over the entire thing, only to be seen as "a possession to the WEST TEAM in which I(my boss) can make full use of in everywhere" and im still being used in every single way. Sometimes i really wonder if im a instructor, a super saikang planner and worker or a Clerk. And so i got stucked in the West team, having to travel everyday to a corner of the country from where i stay in yishun, when i could have spend only a fraction of the time used for travelling currently, reporting to other camps in the North team. I didnt loathe cos i believed in OCS, my unit, and my trainees. I believed that they can give me the satisfaction i want.

For so 3batches i have taught, Delta, Foxtrot; Bravo, Echo; Alpha, Golf. I've always felt i could have done better, since the response i got was never spontaneous. In the end there was still some who hated CCT; my lesson. To a pt i've felt a decrease even in my own standard, I was never the instructor i was previously animore. Mediocrity was wad i felt i've became. Until today. Charlie did great for their grading. Well something v well expected after all the practice we had. However, im pretty sure that i've a place in their heart as an instructor. Well at least until they ORD; i know i will remember me. It felt great finally knowing that the effort u have placed have blossomed into results that have never tasted so sweet.

Charlie may have brought back the flame in me.

Next to deal with. Hotel wing.

2008-07-27T21:41:00.000+08:00

God knows when was the last time i visited this place. But something came to my mind.

Well i was playing Wow for the entire morning.. not exactly but u know.. from like 10plus to 1. and i thot, hmm wad is my mother doing for the entire morning. I havent saw her tho we're living under one roof. So i decided to check it out. Well she was doing the usual, washing clothes and doing up the dishes for lunch.

Many of us may have taken things like this for granted. When it comes to doing household chores, making u a sumptuous meal, the first person that is fit for the job is ur mum. LoL Who in the world said tat these are the job. All i knew is that "mother" will only mean, the person who gave birth to you. Who said that they'd have to take care of you? That's the way our mums make their distinguishment. And from the way i looked at it, my mum could spent her time else where, doing something she loved. Instead she chose to spend her time on our welfare. We didnt owe her anything, yet she was able to sacrifice so much for the sake of us. The power of love is really magnificant.

Reflecting upon this, why is it that some of us may find it so hard at times to reciprocate this form of love?

I feel the serenity of this world being so alone. For now my family is wad i need :) 6mths

2008-07-21T19:58:00.000+08:00

For some reasons i feel v liberated from all sorts of stuffs lately. Perhaps it becos i've became seemingly more obtimistic and i can accept things that come and go so much easily.

Oh well, i'd just like to revolve my life around this word "learn" for the time being. Dun care abt anything, just put in the extra effort to learn as many things as possible.

It seems like a few months ago when 64th left us, and now 65th will be following suit in another 15days time. The last half a year past by in an blink of an eye. Looking back i cant really remember wad i have accomplished... I wonder how many lives have i touched already.
Well let's just hope tat the next 6mths will pass by soon too.

AHM on the 24 AUG. im seriously doubting my condition to run. Altho im not sure of the exact condition of my knee, things doesnt seem too obtimistic down tat. Ehh down at my knee. Well i guess i'd just hang on for as long as my knees can bring me. I really wanna do a good timing for the 21.

Read books play piano play WOW. and yes WOW i've decided to return to my game yay!! Well theres a reason so actually, i think i've mentioned b4 tat there's only so much time one can spend his activities on. So assuming u have made the fullest out of ur life, and a certain activity tat fills part of it disappears suddenly;well its time to find another one to fill up tat void. Well i gave wow up so i could have time for something else. Well tat void in my life tells me tat its time to pick up wow once again..

2008-07-13T00:04:00.000+08:00

Now i get the way u see things.

ah fuck it. i dunno wad to type.

2008-07-09T19:36:00.000+08:00

Too many things seemed to have happened lately.

I was supporting one colleage of mine at 40Sar today. Well thot this grp of trainees had bad techniques. So i grabbed one of them as my volunteer so that i could show them a demo of how the technique shld be done. Took tat fella down. Bom he went down on his head. Concussed, stretchered out, evacuated to the hospital.

My phone has yet to ring for the update of his condition. If anything happens to him, im pretty much a dead man. 9years and 18strokes of cane. Dave i may join u soon.

He had all the necessary safety gears on him, the least amt of relieve i can get. But my jr didnt conduct any breakfall revision earlier in the morning when he ought to. Well too bad it happened on me.

TARFU...

2008-07-08T19:52:00.000+08:00

Why do u want to be an Instructor? Im very sure out of the 25 others, when asked of this qn, only 10 or less will give the deserving answer to make them one.

My boss sucks and my jrs are giving me problem. Im telling myself not to tell anyone wad happened cos i have no idea how minute my problem may be. Sigh. One of the days im really not in the mood for anything.

................. very troubled

2008-07-04T19:48:00.000+08:00

And im glad i've cleared my 2nd IPPT. Does tat mean that i can officially work towards a big belly right now? HAha i hope not.

But something commendable happened during my IPPT. i better den wad i expected. for my 2.4 actually. Came back and my timing as like 8.46. Well initially i was planning to hit like 9.44 and im pretty happy. Lol wad for chiong so fast. in the end gold also 200 bucks. not like u can get extra. Extra guard maybe. And plus i havent been doing speed trainingsand i doubt long runs alone can make me do any faster den 9.44 too. I misjudged myself in the end i guess.

Right after IPPT was CO dialogue. He talked i asked. It was engaging but no conclusion. Chiong for lunch den for lesson. Wacked through 4 grueling hrs and finally i can go home. Was so tired however i figured i shld just reward myself for chionging thru the entire week. Went to the pasamalam to walk walk and i was really nice looking arnd the things on sale as well as smelling the aromic food arnd you. Well i didnt buy any tho. Sinful. hAHh

Im seriously hearing too much abt zohan and it's good review. Really wanna catch it. But my phone isnt ringing. well too bad. i'll probably look for Sheep. Fuck the phone. Sigh im quite disappionted actually.

Gonna sleep early tonight mon. Tmr's gonna be a long day. Somehow i'd need to report at ECP by 7.30. Run a 14k. By den it's god knows wad time. Go home rest as much as i can. MMA at 3.30. Meeting up with JCmates for some choc buffet. den hopefully i can fuck off while they club or pub.

Well i guess i've changed pretty much due to some reasons. yawns. oyasumi

2008-06-14T00:42:00.001+08:00

Everything was prepared nicely yet there was one lacking factor that stopped anything from happening. Courage...

Sigh.....

OCS like times a million times next week. i shldnt be working anymore!!! IM A SENIOR LIAO!!!!!!!!!!

2008-06-10T19:26:00.000+08:00

Well i saw one of this rolling down the road just as i walked past the streets back home.

I must really say, with the VR38DETT fitted right below the bonnet, even without it's looks, this monster is mind blowing enough when it zooms pass you. The Nissan GTR stock rides with a 3.8litre twin-turbocharged 24valve V6, bringing to the rider a stunning 480bhp @ 6400rpm. A monster indeed.

However, i almost mistook the GTR for a FD at first sight. Upon reflecting at the past glorys of the Nissan Skyline GTR, the new Nissan GTR have really lost its "King of the streets" look. Something i was kinda sad about. But who knows, it was nissan who decided to stop the manuafacturing of the skyline series for the new Supercar design. Changed the saloon looking design to wad resembles a cousin of a FD, popped in a superengine tho its only a v6. And they have it -- The new Nissan GTR~ a force to be reckoned with.

ok tats for the car thing. Wad's wrong with office this few days. i really stand my boss. His melayu brain doesnt work v well with mine. Just how long more must I serve under an idiot like him... I cant wait for my replacement to come. come 68 quick!!! someone capable to take over all my shit and sadly my belvoed OCS. After tat i can siam to north team! yayyyyy Khatib camp!! hHa fat hope. still a long way to go. At least another 3 mths. -squad down draw circles on the grnd....

cant wait for the week to end. cant wait for friday to come

2008-05-30T22:46:00.000+08:00

Sigh. was so disappointed with christopher sim today... Helped him so much in the past. He got problem i help him teach. he do wrong stuff i cover for him. Just when i needeed him to just help me shout for one lesson, he declined... right infront of my boss. saying he is not in the mood.

Well thats for him. I dun have much hopes for him anyway. Share with you guys something interesting tat happened in OCS today. Was teaching those fellas in Delta wing when this guy had his spec on while doing his techniques. So i did the usual.. plus a little more spice. I gave those fellas a 10 breakfalls and said u all whole lot will owe me more and i'll make sure u hold it in tat position until tat particular someone remove his blardie specs. got quite tense..

wad followed later is more screwing up down left right. Well u know.. one of the FCCT lessons i had to show more power so as to... u know scare the trainees a little.

At the end of the class those guys were actually pretty okay with it and were quite inlvoed with me. And i was happy. And i asked. BTW u guys dun happen to have any whitehorse here right??
To my surprise they gave a collective YEAA WE DO HAVE ONE. i went like. WHO WHO?? show me.WHo's son. The one u who owe you 5 lor instructor. He's dad is lee.....

self explainatory. hahaha i found it particularly coincidental and amusing. I unknowingly screwed the son of the most powerful man in singapore!!!

2008-05-27T19:17:00.000+08:00

I really wonder where did Singapore's courtesy lion go to.

It goes like this. Hving no better word to describe him, dis fucker was like bumping into the train while we tried to alight off Boon lay. I wudnt mind if he's small but he's freaking huge. Well my fren was in front and of cos being the ones who are alighting, we did what we have to. That loser got so pissed cos we "pushed him off his path", he alighted from the train to confront us. "WHY U PUSH ME", said that asshole, you know the usual ahbeng tone. I wonder why kenneth even bothered telling him that someone was pushing him at the back.(That wud be me if it's the truth. lol) While the other 2 of us gave him the stare.

Seriously i wud have enjoyed kicking his ass if he eva tried doing anything funny. Well, he backed off after looking at our shirts. Go ahead mess three CCIs.

I bet im gonna shade a few kilos if this sore throat persists. I have no idea how i got it. The pain is seriously excruciating. The worst i've felt for all the sore throats i can remember getting. Cant drink cant eat. All i can do is the dillute the pain with some pain killers but when the effect diminishes... gawd. let's see if it eva recovers b4 tmr. Its another judgement day tmr. MI BAT GRADING!!! GOGOGOGOOOOO.

2008-05-25T01:12:00.000+08:00

Im so useless.

Please remember to dry up the toilet after you shower please dear boy.

My mum fell becos of my uselessness. so disappointed of myself.

Had a pri sch lunch and pool session. Was pretty good. Had a rare chance to see louis qiao ying jolyn serene bala yu quan. Well not so many but at least yuquan. dun really know how to spell her name also already. the others who came were the usual, sheep ray aaron joce jul, but it was great seeing them all at once and enjoying all their company collectively. It has been a long time since we called each other classmates.

Yawns. its true that my phone seldom rings now. darn. hAHAaaa tired shld go slp soon. Tough weeks ahead.

2008-05-01T12:59:00.000+08:00

It took me some time to remember the password to this account. It has been a long time. i hope u havent missed me that much O'Blog

Yeap. AV sucks. The queue is so long and i have stupid people who doesnt wan to D at all times. Rule no 1, get SF GY b4 u try to down BAL. and that is the trick. No one cares.

Pretty much has happened. 1mth 2mth 3mths and now april is gone. Almost thru with half the year. Tho the turn to yr2008 only seemed like yesterday. Im progressing well.

Time passed and i kinda did some reflections. Wad was i in the past. and in the past i mean my cat high days till now.. in army. How i treated people around me, my ambitions, my mindset, my character. I've changed pretty much i think. Tho only a minute poportion of those around managed to detect.

Well i guess i just grew to become more mature with things happening arnd. O how i missed those Old days. When i had fun running with TJ, had fun running away from class with sheep mong and gs to roam the public spaces outside Cathigh to play our decks. And how i spent the last few days b4 Os to play game full time, only to get 15pts in the end; as well as a C6 for my English.... HAHaaa..

And strange enuf. all i can remember myself going thru in JC, is all abt running.. Tommie, TJ and the team. How i fell ill during my peak, when i was clocking 16.27 for my 4.5 and how i managed to get 7th for my 800m finals. And of cos how i managed to block out everything and everyone to pull my results from BEE to AAB..

Den Army.. when i saw thru 2mths of brotherhood in Mohawk, where i really had fun with my commanders and Section mates. Tho i can never have dem back to go thru my remaining days in Army. Fought hard, had headaches over where to go... CCI or command sch. Made a choice and regretted it. Now im in CCI.. trying to act like big fucks during lessons, only to be stripped off of everything after the lessons.

Wad's next. U see.. everything is getting toned down. YAWNS when is AV eva going to pop

2008-04-02T19:59:00.000+08:00

My game's having some minor updates, so i was thinking.. instead of giving my com screen a 10min stare.. must as well blog.

the month of march has been slow.. too many shit happened. Thank goodness it's April. and im down to 10mths. Time is passing by. but not fast enuf.. Everytime i thot of saying time flies, i think again. HAhh

Okay. Was looking thru ACJC's 06Yr book and i've realised how much time has passed. its almost 2yrs since i've graduated from that IJC. haha ok not the pt. Just wanna share with u a comment Jason said. He said, "Thanks to the female cadets in OCS, the first thing that eva pops up in Mingbang's mind when he sees a girl will be to picture dem in No4." i thot abt it and wondered why he said that. I still couldnt figure it out. But im so sure its something mean. Darn.

HAhaaa.. well well well. update's done. OFf to play.

2008-03-22T00:59:00.000+08:00

"God must have been toying arnd with me" prolly wad i wud think of soemwhere in the past when something like tat happened.

Was omw home from sengkang when i thot i've missed the last 965. So i decided to take 88 to AMK since it came first. The time was 2345. Well i boarded the bus, but when i realised that it was infact going in the opposite direction.. it was too late. So it drove me all the way to Pasir ris and it was already 0000hrs. Oh well i kinda knew that the last 39 from pasir ris shld have left and i'll prolly gotta spend 30over bucks with a cab home. I thot oh well must as well try my luck. I ran all the way to the bus stop and there it was.. the last bus 39. That's how i managed to get home without wastnig 30bucks.

Well for now, i wished to see it as Good karma. haha i wonder wad i've done in the past to let me deserve that. Im glad things happened the way it did. Thank you.

Wad a day to spend. must say it has been fruitful. Life hasnt been so colourful since god knows when. And i know it will be in time to come.

NTU Aerospace
Starcraft 2
lots lots more...

2008-03-09T21:53:00.000+08:00

Okay. One mth down. Dun wanna count.

Got awaken by an office call today.. telling me to report back to camp for guard duty. Well this batchmates of mine took MC. Well im not blaming him for faking a MC just because he wishes to work at the IT show(sense my sacarsm) but it has seriously caused lots of problem for me. Well i didnt care. Well i must said this is the first time i've eva tried to argue my way thru an order passed down. Well i did have my stands to argue tho. Fortunately i was relieved of the burden. Sigh..

NS life can actually be fun u know i strongly believe. But it will only happen if everyone is Garang, able to motivate demselves, eager to fulfill their responsiblity tho there isnt an incentive to. Dun talk abt NS life. CCI life wud have been alot better if all the instructors are like that. "CCI?? CHAO KENG LAH U 8 to 5 right? slack. Wad CCI?? that bunch of cockloads??.." The usual things i hear to make me question why am i trying so hard. Welcome to the flipside of the life u people said it was perfect.

The action i made 8mths ago.. up till now i still have no idea if it was correct. But at least for now, the pride i have in myself whenever i tell others im a CCI, was a lie. Stuck in the middle, without rank, but required to command authority. At the same time u wan the rank, yet upon reflection of how Fcked up CCIs can be.. we shld be out in the fields cleaning rifles, eat our meals thru those green packs i used to think delicious and getting fcked by other man. I miss the life in BMT where everyone was there to help each other. I missed my platoon where we chiong suaed like real soldiers.

Not complaining to anyone verbally but i realise this is the only place my thots can be relayed freely. Well ultimately im not good at talking. oh well. 9Div family Day next saturday. Gotta do a stupid Demo again.

Sheep was telling me that he may wan to drop of out aerospace, making a swap to business. Well that fella is hard to understand tho i've known him for.. countless years. Wad's so bad about being an aerospace engineer. Well true for engineering that once the hype is over.. the market for that industry falls. well look at the IT industry and think back on its past booming glory. Now?? we're leaving the job to the chinese and the indians. Perhaps sheep was worrying abt the same thing. But as much as i tried to assure him that Our Degree is not confined to just airplanes, he is so fsat in rejecting my persuasion. oh well.. if he thinks he's more of a businessman.. so be it. It's his future anyway.

And there was GS... still unable to make up his mine to wad he wans in life. Good enuf he has made an application. Let's just hope he get's accepted.

Mong? aiya he's smart enuf to live on even if u ask him to sing and sell tissue papers. haha and im prolly spending my UNI life with him alone if Sheep chooses to opt out.

My other frens? Super happening sia in UNI. haha so many topics to talk abt. So unlike of us. NS NS NS NS NS. Yawns.

Great ten thirty time to slp. Still gotta check with my workwear is dried. Tmr's gonna be the last lesson for tango wing. Must say it has been an experience teaching those young ladies.. erm and maybe a handful of Old woman. Im lucky to be doing something different from my other NSF counterparts.. even.. my other CCI counterparts. IF u are read the papers u wud have realised that some of these girls have qutie alot of acheivements. ahah the kind of networking i need. But i doubt any of dem will recall wad happened in the 9lessons i've taught. Zzzzz work so hard for wad again. Must as well SIB slp in bunk or AH attend home.. Cant wait for life to become busy again. Catch that Selalmat quick.. so i can have all lessons to go up!!!

laters guys

2008-02-19T21:53:00.000+08:00

it has been a long time. 64th's gone for good and im pretty much left alone in the army already. Nothing has changed pretty much. Just that i really thot that i can be free to losen up for the next few weeks. Well i cant. Thanks to ACE's that's coming up next weekend. Demo practices have been getting more intensive and yup, im gonna have my first eva night training tmr, after office hours. So fustrating.

Well wanted to take my off on Friday so i can pay u a little visit. But ah i guess i cant. Got lessons in OCS in the afternoon. Time flies and its abt 3years already.

Conducted Lessons for tango today and i think they really enjoyed me being their targets. Was a fruitful lesson. Accomplished so many. I havent felt so good being an instructor since god knows when. Well at least i felt appreciated with the nice thank you INstructor and GoodBye instructor. Tango is good. But too bad these girls have only 3 lessons left with me which i may not be able to turn up due to demo. Well we shall see.

Cant wait for time to pass faster. Time to slp. long day coming up tmr. Well long week i think...

Night practice
Duty Staff
Dinner with becks
MMA
BBQ with S62
SG Airshow