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Sunday, April 29, 2012 The long awaited long weekend is finally here! Well i must say this post is 2 days slow. Nevertheless I wont be reporting back to work till Wednesday ::) How nice is that? Having spent the last 2 days of this long weekend lazing at home, i must really say that i havent been Maximizing my time really well. Contrary to what most would have wanted, i actually hoped that the days past by faster as i lay on my bed throughout the day, feeling lost to what i should do and how i should spend my time. The predicament that i am caught in now has really taken much of my motivation and fighting spirit away. I ought to be out with some company. To breath in some fresh air, have some sort of entertainment, rather than stay at home and live a loafer's life. My close frens, Sheep, Mong, GS... The girls, or just girl, Jocelyn. Somehow knowing that all of them are attached made me feel really unwilling to ask them out. I wonder why. But most of the reason that stopped me from calling anyone of them is because, I've only wanted company from a single individual. But she is too far away as of now, and even if she is right here beside me, the company we can have together is no longer the same. It saddens me, whenever i look at the pictures we had. Even just b4 you left, we were hugging, kissing, holding hands and talking about how much we will miss one another and how we will cherish our future together when you are back. Unfortunately, you seem to be another person at this point of time. Having numbed your hearts so much to your own qualities and self declared fate. The girl that i know, seemed to have disappeared. I am lost with words. To be honest, i cant explain the situation we are in. I am glad that you are overseas in a foreign land. I know, at least with the alienating surrounding and good people around you, you feel more alive; compared to where i stand now. Its definitely not easy being Mingbang right now. It so sad that, the only person that i truely wan to speak to, is also the person i cannot convey my heartfelt emotions to. I can no longer find anyone to connect. Even as of now, i can only choose to reveal my emotions to a blog. One that no one reads. One that no one know of its existence. It sucks knowing that my family knows of something is wrong. But i just dont know how to appear weak infront of them. I told them that I wanna see the world after i graduate. To travel the world as i train up myself and advance in my career. So a relationship isnt my most focus. Tough words. But my heart still lies weak and shattered by the truth that hurts the most. I just hope that July can come quick. I will always remember this period of the yr 2012. I can only tell myself, be brave. Fake it even if that is not the truth. Bite my lips, clinch my fists. Wipe those tears away. Fuck everything. Just carry on with the path forward. i'm so sure of what i feel inside 11:50 PM |