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Friday, March 2, 2012 The silence of the night filled my ears. I looked around me and i realised, it was the 4 corners of my room that returned gaze. I looked into the sky and pondered, while we both shared the same moonlight, how are you doing at at your end? I browsed through my wadsapp contacts, eventually scrolling to you. I was thankful that i can still trace you by seeing that you have been online 5mins ago. I guess I had never been so much out of your life before. Looking at how bad this time was, and how the "place" factor has separated us, I knew that nothing could be done to salvage the situation even if i wanted to. As of now, even if i did fly over for a couple of days, i knew it could do nothing but to preserve how diminishing sense of connection for a while more. Coming to think of this, how much can a few msges do good to us? And how much more can i draw u closer to me? Sending you digital msges that are worth nothing after a swipe of the "delete" button? Our relationship takes more than just that to be patched up. We need time to be together to let things heal. A privilege we can never have for now. With that, i pulled myself back and switched off my phone; killing all intentions to send you something. Hard and painful it is. Since we cant be together, i guess it's just natural we separate. Until the better days come again. Will they my princess? Im sure you wouldnt dare make decisions as such, bcos "fate" is a strong control factor in your life. Better days will come, but it may not be for the two of us to see through together. How i missed those happy days in Thailand, when I had an opportunity to take care of you while you were sick on bed. The surprise u had during ur 21st birthday. And the nice tom yum we shared in the hotel. Things were always alright when we are together without distractions (tgh etc). But when we aint together, things just go haywire. I guess we just havent got close enuf to give each other enuf trust and support. If only god can give me another chance. My days has been fine. Battling the world. Finding ways to better understand my boss. Managed to speak to Song the night before. While i shared my views towards my supervisor, experienced as Song is, he gave me valuable insight from my supervisor's perspective. I admit, Song made alot of sense making me feel like i am guilty of the "fresh graduate syndrome". I am just too new to understand the working society and how it functions. His words were pure enlightenment, and I feel myself growing up really. I guess people seldom have matching expectations of each other, and things tend to go wrong if we do not make leeway to understand their expectations so as to fulfill it better and adjusting your own about them so you wont feel so disappointed. If they are useless, dont have any for them, if they over expect out of you, perform better. If they expect less of you, out perform. Either way, it's up to how much you wanna prove yourself and how much less you wanna cut your lifespan by making yourself happier with the situation. As of now, i have seen the flaws of Wilson, and to some point, i am excited to see more of it so that i can always remember the traits of a failed leader. On the other hand, i am equally excited to learn how to deal with his convictions about me and how i look (lol). It aint gonna be easy, but i am eager to embrace the challenge. Im glad i still have you mr blog. Let's call it a day tonight. Still have to wake up early for project tmr. My trip may jolly well go unhindered. The weather in Taiwan seem to have calmed for good. let's do this and do this well. i'm so sure of what i feel inside 10:27 PM Thursday, March 1, 2012 If you do read my blog. I would have hoped that you told me abt it. But i guess u are too busy with your life. I am highly hypocritical. At this point of time, i just feel like breaking down, running over to you for a hug. A warm hug. But I will never allow to become this weak. No matter how painful things are going, i will just clinch my first, throw all emotions behind, carry on walking forward. And hopefully at the end of the route, i can wash off all memories and start afresh. At times of this, i cant help but think of those happy memories. How i hope i can have them back now. You know how badly i have advocated on fighting for the future while we leave our past behind. Right now i feel like a total loser hoping to seek out the past for comfort. I have no idea what went wrong, but i can only pray that i was given another chance to try again. Maybe i just dont know when to give up, albeit at times when i look back, there are really seriously differences between the two of us, but i still believed we could have overcome them. But i guess we just had too little time to work on them. I have no idea wad will happen in this few months. Perhaps u will fall in love again. Perhaps get even closer with tgh whom in my very impression feels like is the best man for you. Frankly speaking, it will hurt alot if u get attached soon, and it sucks even more if it is going to be him. Somehow i am highly pessimistic, and i knew something along the line may happen. Wahaha. You may jolly well become the number one regret that i will never forget. Can someone help me? i'm so sure of what i feel inside 7:13 PM |