|
Monday, February 27, 2012 Had an opportunity to speak to Gary today. This is the first time we actually spoke about our true emotions about work. I was glad that i wasn't the only person to face issues working until our supervisor. All this while, i have always felt that my supervisor had something against me, and from then on, it was never easy working with him. True enough, Gary confirmed my sentiments. And apparently, I have been judged by my hairstyle and my looks. I didn't look like someone whom my supervisor will like. He judged me so superficially and that made all of our lives difficult. That is the first reason, deep in my heart, i had no respect for him. He allowed superficial values to dictate his judgement over someone. For that i despise him. From the looks of his career, i cant doubt that he has been working really hardly for more than 10years. With this duration of experience in the same industry, albeit taking on different roles each time he switched jobs, i'm sure he knew what he was doing. However there is always a higher mountain. What is 10years of experience as compared to another with 20years? Under utilizing the expertise he have around him to improve while he stand rigidly of his own ways gave me another reason not to respect him. To be honest, during this period when he is in Derby undergoing training, Gary and I have learn more than what we had under him. We listened and considered words from our highly experienced trainer from UK. This ang moh has been working in Rolls-Royce for the past 20 years and it is his first company and probably his last as well. This trainer is a remarkable leader, one who see potential in his subordinates and delegates work according to their strengths. Together, the 3 of us ran the entire show with great efficiency and success in the absence of my supervisor. Under his guidance i was really happy as my work was seen useful by the company and it gave me reasons to go even further. This was something i had never felt under my supervisor. Certain people are just not born to be leaders. If you are incapable but still forced into the role, dont mind your weakness, instead embrace it and let those who have strengths help you out, even if they are your subordinates. My supervisor's inadequacies in such aspect gave me a third reason not to respect him. Come to think about it, he even lied to me, telling me that the ops director was against how i looked and he asked me to consider a haircut. I will rather you to tell me straight in the face your emotions and explained why you felt as such. I may have given you a slight bit of respect for your honesty and efforts to seek understanding. I was really angry seeing the character he was and I certainly do not think that he is worthy to be my supervisor. To me, i can only see him as someone who has that many years of experience. I was still dumb enough to consider why he is still holding such a position with this amount of work experience. Meritocracy does run in the society. And he definitely deserve his position, or lack of. I take a heath of sigh, not for myself, but for him. And yes, all such sentiments, i can only keep within myself. Frankly, there was no one that i could speak to about such emotions. I was glad singing and a cup of icy cold Baileys did the job to make me feel better. Infront of him, it is another false front of respect i need to portray. I know exactly what he expects of an intern under him. I will give it to him. He will never know how badly i will want to step on him. But for me, i am working harder every moment to make sure if i do work full time in Rolls-Royce one day, he will be way under me. i'm so sure of what i feel inside 10:38 PM Friday, February 24, 2012 Having walked so much thus far, i asked myself a simple question, am i happy? Right now everyone's busy with their own lives. Dajie/song, too busy with kd they aint got the time to have dinner with me, not even to listen to what i wanna say. Erjie/Eric, sanjie/louis... way too far. Dad? not even in the picture. Mum isnt really the best person to talk to cos it makes her worried too much. So home is warm, but still i was forced to close myself in, into my room. All i have is the com, and 4 walls to surround me. Work has been way excellent. I cant remember which part of my life when i can be praised by so many people for so many times. Truthful or just a figure of speech, i ain't matter. But it felt like my efforts have been seen. Gary and I are really doing a splendid job setting up the whole of manufacturing services in Rolls-Royce. I am glad that, in my supervisor's absence, we can follow our ideas more easily without he and his "expertise" there to stop us. It's a fantastic feeling knowing that everyone is depending on you tho u are just an intern and they are perm staffs. Ego boosts. But if only i can work for 24/7. I may just feel more fulfilled in life. Looking at the graduates working in Rolls Royce, the move around so frequently, once every 6 months doing different jobs in different countries. Im really jealous of them. How i hope that i can be like tat them right now this moment. I really wish to just disappear from where i am, go to a place where there are no records of myself, just to start everything anew. I appear strong infront of people. But they can never understand how much i hoped for certain things to happen. How i wished i could hold on tight to the one i love. How much i can spend every minute with her. Be in her life every moment. Unfortunately to mask all that, i have to do exactly the opposite of just tat. screw it. just tired. nights world i'm so sure of what i feel inside 11:35 PM Thursday, February 16, 2012 在这时候听到你的消息，令我感到十分欣慰。 能知道你的踪影让我非常高兴。 好温暖。 你好像过的很好。 没有了我，好像给了你解脱。 你也许否认，但这往往是一个可能。你的生活更灿烂，我也为你开心。 我在工作上取得了很好的成绩。 不知为何 ，我不想与你当面说。 好像想故意拉远咱们的距离。不说这些。能投到爱才的人，能投到一个会欣赏你优点的人，感觉真好。 我看，我的老外大老板是看到了我的好， 告诉了我没用的上司。这个废物才开始欣赏我。 当然，我在他面前也虚伪的很。 什么都奉承他，让他戴上一顶高帽。他何尝不飞到九霄云外。我好阴险。但要在这社会生存，人能多赖就得多赖，多伪就多伪。 世上人，多多看到的，只不过是外表的你，尽是这样， 能有多个能提拔你的朋友， 胜于多一个在你背上捅上千刀的小人。以赖和伪安天下， 阴险一点又如何？ 只要在爱的人面前，做回真正的自己，就足够了。公司的人， 换了工，便消失其间。 爱得人。又谈到了伤心事。 不说了。 憋在心里吧。。。 知音难得，正爱就更别说了。 名榜又回到了自己靠自己的生活。 好漫长。 好漫长。 i'm so sure of what i feel inside 9:02 PM Wednesday, February 15, 2012 你好吗？ 抬着沉重的脚步， 我一步一步的慢走回家。 这一天仿佛是这辈子里过的最漫长的一天。 在公司里看着手表，每分钟的时间就好像一个小时一样。 我想了好多好多。 过去的三年，让我了解了好多自己独自学不到的东西。例如，如何去爱。 如何表达爱。 这一切都是你教我的。从你身上，我也看清楚了自己的个性，了解了自己需要的是什么。 对你的了解，也算是到了绝顶。 公主啊，你教了我如何爱。 但为何你却不能以爱保护身旁重要的人呢？ 我觉得你好像把次序弄反了。爱一个人并非是要他处处了解你， 宽容你。爱一个人是你处处了解他，宽容他。 让他快乐。而不是你每次和我说的，“你以为你会明白。” 这些年来，我牢牢的死咬着这些词，耐心的对待您，心里说的是，重有一天，我的公主也会这么做。 很遗憾的， 孤掌难鸣。也许我太过于的宠你，所以到头来， 这一切都变成了“应当如此。” 想想吧公主。 也许我更本就不适合你。 我要得到的，让你觉得我在约束你的自由。你不能做自己。我也接受了你的这个看法。但我只想说，我应为爱你，已经不是以前的自己。 我放弃了一前的自己，为了爱你。但这个变化让我更加的快乐。这些变化也让你好受了很多很多。我能以爱情化为让自己进步的踏脚石。为何你却依依墨守成规，原封不动呢？ 爱情就好像是运动里的双打。 只要队员合作，打出来的球，一定精彩。可惜，我们志不合，道不同，不相为某。只好到了你走你的，我走我的时候。。 我心如刀割。 心疼欲裂。我也只能在梦里当你的夫君。。。。 好好的活下去我的公主。你永远是我的公主，我依然的那么爱你。 i'm so sure of what i feel inside 7:36 PM |