I wonder how often am i going to have my chances to speak to you, or even see you now. So before the mood to talk to you dilutes, here it goes.

Woke up pretty early today for Qing Ming. You know, the yearly event u gather and meet up with all your relatives so you can pay respects to ur forefathers.. mothers.. ur ancestors.

I wonder if i had been mixing around with your family too often in the past. It is just so different compared to mine. Ur relatives are all cool and fun.. able to talk to. I never had a dull moment being if them. Somehow the thot of meeting my relatives this morning turned me off quite abit. My uncles were stubborn and my parents never seem to have nice things to say abt them when we leave their sight. My cousins? all decades over me, with their children my age. We never had anything in common.

Being at the Qing Ming site seems to have lost it's significance. Other than paying respects and homage to our great ancestors, this event is a day when everyone puts aside their busy schedule, so we can have an excuse to see everyone that we missed so much. To enjoy. To catch up. However, meeting up for my end seems to be a chance for relatives to talk abt past issues unsolved, abt how much debt who owed who.. or who should have done what in the past blahblah.. all that crap. I dun even feel belonged to this family line sometimes. In fact i feel very much indifferent of who my relatives are. It felt like my family line started from my parents. So i was standing in a corner, feeling sick still(literally with my cough and flu), but i tried to be useful when anyone required help.

Nevertheless, i was happy to have seen HewTing. Spoke to her a little bit, i wonder where she is, but i did an update of where i am. It's sad i never shared things like tat to her when she was around. And i only do it when she has passed. Humanbeings never seem to cherish what they have all the time. All the big talk, for teachers who bring this pt to their students, they themselves never really placed their preach into practice. Only to weep in regret when the hard truth lands on them in the face. It is than they realize for themselves, the significance of their own teaching.

Why didnt we hold each other tighter when we were together? Why must we wait till this moment than we start to love, to miss and to think of ways to salvage the situation?? I hope it's not too late.