Everyone have been feeling jaded and Siens lately. I can see that most of us seem to have lost sight on the goals set long b4 everything begun. Myself, for one, try my best not to be caught in the trend. Although i try desperately, the forces of darkness seem to make my efforts seem so futile.

Met out a friend yesterday for dinner. It was Jenrine. I havent seen her or heard from her for almost two years. Somehow when i went online on msn a few days back, she miraculously talked to me and asked me out for dinner. My honest opinion, she is one of the few to have ever done so in a long time. We ate, talked and shared. Sometimes i wonder if we are even close enough to be called better frens. But still it was warm to have met someone from my past. I felt like i was 17 again. Thank you Jen. Im happy that you looked great and things are going so so splendid for you. With all ur plans for ur future. Somehow we have all grown out of that small little shell of ours and here we are, ready to see the world. Can u believe? 6 long years have passed since we met. And we're not as young as we think anymore.

Things are going better for myself too. I guess I've pretty much recovered. Not thinking so much about certain things. However, Im not too sure if I'll be able to leave certain things behind completely. At least for now. Im not asking for more. Every smile, every sight, every touch of you makes me happy. I'll just live for the moment. I guess Love is like that. No plans (for now). Wanting to love is like being a daredevil sometimes. Though things are still left dangling at where it is, like a piece of lose meat sliced off a live cattle; still intact with it's body as it runs in pain. However it doesn't seem hurt so much if you focus your mind on other stuffs. I on one end, have no idea where this will lead to. Will time heal the wound? Or will time make the cut complete? I guess i'll just carry on forward. One day i will know.

It's still better to smile. I look much better in one too :: D

I wonder how often am i going to have my chances to speak to you, or even see you now. So before the mood to talk to you dilutes, here it goes.

Woke up pretty early today for Qing Ming. You know, the yearly event u gather and meet up with all your relatives so you can pay respects to ur forefathers.. mothers.. ur ancestors.

I wonder if i had been mixing around with your family too often in the past. It is just so different compared to mine. Ur relatives are all cool and fun.. able to talk to. I never had a dull moment being if them. Somehow the thot of meeting my relatives this morning turned me off quite abit. My uncles were stubborn and my parents never seem to have nice things to say abt them when we leave their sight. My cousins? all decades over me, with their children my age. We never had anything in common.

Being at the Qing Ming site seems to have lost it's significance. Other than paying respects and homage to our great ancestors, this event is a day when everyone puts aside their busy schedule, so we can have an excuse to see everyone that we missed so much. To enjoy. To catch up. However, meeting up for my end seems to be a chance for relatives to talk abt past issues unsolved, abt how much debt who owed who.. or who should have done what in the past blahblah.. all that crap. I dun even feel belonged to this family line sometimes. In fact i feel very much indifferent of who my relatives are. It felt like my family line started from my parents. So i was standing in a corner, feeling sick still(literally with my cough and flu), but i tried to be useful when anyone required help.

Nevertheless, i was happy to have seen HewTing. Spoke to her a little bit, i wonder where she is, but i did an update of where i am. It's sad i never shared things like tat to her when she was around. And i only do it when she has passed. Humanbeings never seem to cherish what they have all the time. All the big talk, for teachers who bring this pt to their students, they themselves never really placed their preach into practice. Only to weep in regret when the hard truth lands on them in the face. It is than they realize for themselves, the significance of their own teaching.

Why didnt we hold each other tighter when we were together? Why must we wait till this moment than we start to love, to miss and to think of ways to salvage the situation?? I hope it's not too late.

It feels like a terribly long day that doesnt seem to end.

What kind of feeling is this. I dunno. self pity? Disappointment? Or Anger.

In life people make choices. And things in the virtual world.. such as games replicate life. However, virtual reality is so much different as compared to real life. The main difference is simply the undo button. For games, you can always save your progress, reload to the same point where u last saved, if the progression didnt happen to fall into what you wanted.

Life? The only thing u can do, when facing an adverse progression; stick ur thumb into your mouth and suck it hard. It's so sad things in life often happen in such a harsh manner. U can try so hard to make something work for you. Try as you can, but the passage of time at times seems to turn on you and screw ur ass up. Just like how The Rock would have put it.. Life has successfully shine my afford real nice, turn it sideways and stick it back right up my candy ass.

I really hated this scenario. And it really pains me so much. But there's nothing i can do to turn back time. I can only proceed onto the future with my thumb stuck straight in my mouth.

I guess i really needed my phone to ring, with someone there to say some nice warm words, offer a comfy shoulder where i can lie on. But well, where am I now? Alone at home. It's so quiet i can hear my fan turn. Didnt even have the usual laughter during dinner. All i had is this blog, my aeromaterials project, and an additional tutorial i must complete in prep of my Monday quiz.

It's hard not to turn crazy. I just hope this day ends quick.

Being elusive all over again.

I wonder if u still read this blog. Or u may already forgotten abt it.

Remember how i once told you that there is no need for me to blog anymore? The reason was you. But i guess for now. This blog has it's significance once again.

It is a tough situation for you i understand. To be all that confused. So i guess being the way we are now, is the best solution. I wan you to grow independent of yourself. To be able to make strong decisions and not avoid the problems. Run away from them and hopefully one day they will be solved somehow. Or even buried beneath the passage of time so no one will remember about it anymore.

If you cant be like that, even if you choose me, things like that will just happen once again. To me, to GH, to anyone else.

Live Strong alone.

Happiness is derived from its search. Find me if you can.